After spending 18 hours in bed yesterday, I woke to feel refreshed or so I thought. I decided to do a short stroll on one of my normal easy walks, it was labored, a lot of chest pain, which is more frequent now.
But feeling like I had managed it and that it was good to keep trying, after a nice video chat with my dear friend Janet, and spending the rest of the morning trying to get Christmas cards ready to send. I had cards here, as I haven’t sent them out in a few years, or at least not that I recall, so I decided I would get the cards ready that I had on hand, I can mail them down the block without having to go inside a building.
So thus begins the never-ending jigsaw puzzle, that has become my daily life. I could picture someone’s face, but couldn’t put the name to it, and where or where would someone’s address be?
Having to reach out to some to get the information, and trying to figure out who I was sending cards to finally deciding whoever popped into my mind I wrote a card to, all else will have to suffice with the Christmas E- letter, hoping all the right cards got into the right envelopes, its all so very challenging now.
Then my call came from my Internist, Dr. Yacashyn, he is a lovely Doctor, who has always shown me such kindness and compassion. The first thing was he noticed my voice having issues again, this is an ongoing and never knowing when or if it’s leaving me forever. The second thing was how you can hear even when I’m talking that my breathing is labored, he then goes on to tell me that the last tests he did last month, he is satisfied that I am maintaining as best as can be expected, that although things are not as good as we might like to see he is happy that there is not even more of a decline, so he will continue to monitor me. The next thing was how I’m doing overall, we discussed how my walk two days ago saw me in bed for 18 hours yesterday, and how a short stroll today, has left me extremely fatigued.
He spent explaining to me how I have had a very challenging and complicating year with my health, with many difficult pieces at play, and that I should be taking it very very slow, he said it will be a long process and although frustrating for me, I have to always think about slow wins the race. He said considering all the complicated factors my health has seen this last year, I need to be kinder and gentler with where I am and how I am managing.
For me, he is always reassuring, I don’t like how it’s impacting my dementia, and it’s so hard to tell which is doing what, the cart before the horse or the horse before the cart? I can’t decipher it anymore, and at times I wonder if they struggle with the same thing.
This all left me in a puddle of tears, which I let flow, wondering how much more of the losses I can endure. Most people who live with Dementia have many complicating health factors that either contribute to their dementia or dementia causes other health issues. This is not as easy as people watching from the outside so often think. Mostly because they spend very limited amounts of time with us, to really understand our challenges.
But tears are gone, I am back to trying to figure out this mess I have created with my Christmas cards, thinking it could bring many to shake their heads if I got them all mixed up, but might cause a laugh or two as well. I also have managed to change the linens on the bed, which took almost two hours to complete because I have to keep stopping to rest, but at least its done, and I can look forward to climbing in early again today, and doing as the specialist said, rest, rest, rest. Tomorrow will likely dawn bright again and hopefully, the weather will allow for another short stroll. I’m not done yet!