This saying really struck a chord with me today, this morning. Yesterday as I was taking Pheobe for her little drive, one we have been doing many times for many years, I had to stop because I realized that things didn’t look. Familiar, and they should, it was startling, it also made me pause to think about the day before I walked by a couple people who were sitting on a bench, they didn’t seem familiar either, but as I went by, they called out to me, by my name, asking how I was that it was nice to see me, I have no idea who it was, they seemed familiar, but I could not connect them to anything that would or could help me know how or why I know them. One more thing of many happening
So seeing this message along with another that was in my in box this morning, had me doing what I’ve been doing a lot of the last few days. Looking within, re-evaluating how much I can still manage and do, and how much do I want to do.
I have tried really hard to be a good and strong voice advocating for others, to help lift others up, to be a good mentor. I hope in some small way it has helped. It sometimes we have to look at ourselves and we have to do a self review. It’s a hard thing to do when you’re wanting to still try to do much, but it’s important.
It is also important because living with a terminal and progressive illness there comes a time when as much as you want to do so much to help others, you have to start looking at what you are doing for yourself. I have due to the pandemic lost over a year of being able to try to do some of the things I wanted to, it will likely hit two years before that will change much. It’s been hard on me, harder than I normally talk about it’s getting harder, especially with more changes happening. So it is time I put myself back into the equation. What do I need/ want for what’s left for me, and can I find a way to merge the two, or is it time for me to quietly slip off into the distance. There is much for me to contemplate, but it will ultimately have to be whatever I feel is going to allow me to continue to having my peace and joy each day, and lately it feels like there is to much weighing to heavy.