Today I wrote a post about my late husband, here it is:
In loving memory of my husband Uwe Thelker
At 10:53 pm tonight my life forever changed, all the plans, hopes and dreams for our future forever altered. You took your final breath, together we did all we could do you could leave this world for the next in great peace, and for that I will always be thankful. 16 years have come and gone, the love burns as brightly as ever, I am with you always, you are with me. This song has so much meaning and these words are exactly true for me. I am grateful for you, for you were not an easy man, but you were a kind man, and you loved me completely as I loved you. So tonight at 1053 I’ll be sitting under the stars, feeling close to you. Being grateful that I had you and you had me.
Always Loved, Forever you will walk with me…. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🦋
The reason I’m posting it here was to say thank you to those that sent such beautiful messages, and a very big thank you to those that knew Uwe and reflected on his presence, it does my heart good to know he is not forgotten. And to Glenn Wallman, your kind words that you felt the love we shared in my writings and how and how even though you never got to meet him you did and could see the great love I carry for him.
Many times as someone losses someone, they are told it’s time to move on, or you’ll get over it, or a whole host of others on those lines. But for many that have lost someone, it is not about “ getting over it”, or moving forward. You do move forward, there is no other way, but your life is forever changed, altered. It doesn’t mean we don’t have a good life know, but it means there may be times during the year that we need time for ourselves, to be allowed to remember and reflect, to honour someone who was an important part of our life. Someone said to me today that you just shouldn’t and they don’t ever think about those things, those important moments in life, they only allow themselves the happy bits of life. I try to respect everyone else’s view.
For me it is not about the sadness or the sad time, it’s about honouring someone who was important to me, I was not sad today, I was quiet, there is a difference, but in that quiet I was happy thinking about conversations we had, things we did, moments that were special, there was no sadness except maybe in the wishing I could have had my life with him for longer, but I don’t dwell on that, I am grateful for what we had.
This week has been a week of three very big and significant life events, I chose to make it a week of honouring, re,ember I got and being grateful and mindful of the impact on my life.
it is very true that each person must wade through grief in their own way and time, I believe in some ways you will grieve at some level for the rest of your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t be happy, can’t have a fulfilled life, but the grief will sweep you away at times, so in order to manage it, I chose to honour the grief, the events, the people who are at the heart of it.
Today, I spent the day being mindful, I spoiled myself a little something I very rarely ever do, I got two miniature roses for my deck. Uwe used to bring me roses, so it felt good, I brought another small houseplant home I’ve named him Moses, and I was gifted a beautiful house plant, so between gardening and my deck and my inside plants my day was filled with life, with things that are vibrant. Chatting with Brenden, and Natasha, getting pictures of the grandchildren doing the relay for life, it filled my heart.
So I encourage you all to find ways to honour those significant events that impact your life, it is important to our well being, it’s important to our brain health, it is also important to allow others to do it in ways that are meaningful to them.
I know my dementia has not stopped me from remembering the first incredible kiss from the man who became my husband, or how his hand felt holding mine, they say we never forget how how someone or something makes us feel, I believe that with all that is me. So here’s to learning how to get through for what many would be an insurmountable week, in grace and gratitude, and knowing I am better for the impact placed upon me.
So thank you everyone for respecting me in my choices.