Its not always easy to admit the many challenges that have descended on me since my diagnosis, but one of the challenges is my writing. Sounds odd doesn’t it, seeing how I’ve written and had a book published, many articles for magazines, but writing takes on many forms. Technology is great as it helps that I can just type, a lot of times when I’m doing words back to front, or all the letters and numbers in the wrong sequence, it will catch at fix those things, not all but many. Those errors don’t happen due to laziness or sloppiness, or stupidity, they happen because of how my brain and the rest of my body work or don’t work together, and it doesn’t recognize when it is wrong, it sees it right, it’s a very strange thing, hard to explain, except maybe to liken it in some ways to people who have dyslexia. But handwriting is totally different, my hand writing was nice, I had nice handwriting, it is no longer nice, it’s hard because it doesn’t flow easily know, trying to get the words right, the letters right, I have to hesitate a lot, it makes my handwriting more like something between writing and printing. It’s likely why I don’t write very often, I don’t like to see how poorly I manage it. I was proud of my handwriting at one time. It’s not the thought process to write it’s the actual physical skill to write. But I decided a short time ago that I wanted to write letters to certain people and tuck them away from when I’m no longer here, so this means that today I started practicing my writing, trying to find new ways to help myself with this skill.
I ordered my self some old fashioned lined paper and envelops ( see picture below), to write the letters on, I will write them over time, and tuck each one in with my will in my safe.
I know I could type them out and print them, sign them, but somehow it doesn’t feel like that would make it the personal piece I want it to be, somehow handwritten notes and letters still carry a more personal element, and that is what I’m hoping to capture in the letters. I’m not writing letters to everyone and I’m not writing or writing to individual because it means someone holds more value or a more special place than someone who I don’t leave a letter for. For one thing, I don’t have any way to know if I will finish my letters before my end comes, or maybe my end will come when I feel I’ve done all the letters. It simply means I have things I wish to say, something to leave you with.
So while I’m locked in from another day of extreme heat, coupled now by the air being filled with smoke, although slightly cooler, and I mean slightly. It’s making me extremely fatigued, it’s hard with my lungs that already struggle, it messes with my oxygen levels, my sleep is compromised. I’m exhausted, napping when I can, they say we will get a short reprieve after the weekend until then, smoke, wind, lighting, heat, too many fires burning. So I’ve been doing what I can puttering around, my paper and envelops arrived yesterday, so today, after doing some house cleaning, sorting and getting clothes ready to give to the homeless shelter, I decided I should start practicing my writing so that I can start on my letter writing. It’s a project I am looking forward to doing.
People ask why I’m taking pictures of the temperature, well I’m taking pictures of the temperature each day, the skies, the weather, because this has never been these extremes, it’s a way of documenting, of being able to look back. So as much as my letter writing is important so too is my documentation of the weather I am seeing, I do a lot of picture taking it’s my way of documenting life, and things and events as they evolve around me.