This morning a light rain was falling, it rained during the night, we need the rain, and a soft fall rain leaves the air so fresh, the temperature made it feel crisp, yet not cold. How how I love the fall days.
Yesterday I discovered that as long as I was standing and moving my back pain was more bearable so I was on the move around the house from 10 till 630 pm, at which time I headed for bed, with an ice pack and watched my netflix for a spell.
But waking this morning, doing stretch to help get myself mobile, knowing I have to keep things moving or it will get worse not better, I enjoyed morning coffee with the sound of the rain, from my deck. After which I got myself and pheobe ready and off we went to go for a nice walk. Umbrella in hand, It was such a lovely refreshing walk the air swirled around us, the leaves falling. I took pictures ( above and throughout todays blog). As I was walking looking down the pathways seeing it filled with snails, I stopped to take some pictures of them and wondered, do they know where they are going, or are they just out to enjoy this beautiful season?
The sky was changing for dark stormy clouds too beautiful blues, although the air was crisp I didn’t feel the need to wear sweater, although I started out with one. As strolled marvelling in the beauty of the browns, oranges, reds and yellows, I was thinking about what falling into fall meant for me. Better air quality at least until late winter when our air quality again becomes really bad, so I can breathe, I sleep better with cooler temperatures and not having to have the A/C on, just open windows. It means getting outdoors as much as I can while the fall weather holds.
Why do I take so many pictures when I am out and about, well without pictures to trigger memories and take me back to events, places and spaces, I would endure a blank canvas, my memory needs to be triggered now, sometimes I see people and I know I know them, but I can’t recall how or why. Sometimes I know exactly who people are every day is different. Short term is harder than long term, but even long term with out photos and or someone saying something that triggers the memory there is just nothing, empty space. So falling into fall is about taking it all in as many days as possible so it sticks in my mind.
My specialist office called and I have a to see him next Monday, of course I was expecting this, Dr. Cunningham told me that he was going to be talking to him about these latest tests, the tests that show that my muscles are no longer getting enough blood flow to them, damned vascular system. No matter how hard I work my system is failing, thats what happens when you have a progressive terminal illness, but I had not been working so hard at it and continuing to no matter how tired I am, I would not be here today. So I am here, I don’t know how much longer for, until my system quits all together, I’ll keep working to have the days I can, I’ll spend he fall and winter looking at ways to tackle my bucket list come spring if I survive the winter, thats my goal, everyday when I wake up I tell myself I have to make it through the winter.
My medical condition will play a large role in how and what of my bucket list gets tackled and when. I am having fun writing lists, looking at maps, planning different scenarios, it gives me hope for the spring. It will mean I will be brave, maybe a little crazy, but I will live doing the things I love, I am not going to give in, sit and wait for the end, life is meant for the living, I may live with Dementia, but I am still alive and still want to live, it matters not where I die, I can do that anywhere, dead is dead no matter where you are. There is no fear about dying, people fear death, because we have not been taught to embrace it, to understand and honour it. That doesn’t mean one should be reckless, if you can understand and honour death then you can and should understand and honour life. Life is meant to be experienced, and I much more to experience yet, I’m not done yet.
Enjoy the days everyone