Something strange is or has occurred, just in the last number of days, yesterday I took great notice of it, but today I totally marvelled at it. I must almost guiltily that the last while with this new added piece of autoimmune dysfunction that I have been dealing with my brain and my dementia has almost taken a backseat.
suddenly today it is back at the forefront, not for what it’s not doing but for what it is doing, and it’s left me trying to figure out why?
For some reason I am very clear headed, the fog that surrounds my brain normally is gone, it doesn’t feel as thick or heavy, my vision is cleared, my brain feels light and happy. Sounds strange doesn’t it? Feels very strange, like somethings missing. I’m not having to fight to have a clear thought, I have been able to manage things like putting together and cook a lovely meal albeit done in stages and steps over several days, but still I haven’t managed any of these things very well for a good long time.
Tonight I sat looking at my lights on my Christmas tree, contemplating what on earth is happening, I thought about my last week and how a phone call from my doctor and my specialist just before Christmas had me reworking yet again how I am doing things. This came about not because of my dementia but because of this autoimmune piece that is affecting and they are trying to unruffled. But could those changes be somehow helping my brain? I am having less trouble managing my day to day skills, I am able to organize myself ( well ok still not. Like I would in the past) but still better than have been for quite a spell. I’ve also not only paced even my simple tasks differently, I have also had a lot less going on, no meetings, no zooms, or very few, and they have been the more social variety. Not pushing myself, letting my body rest when it wants, all the noise and business of the world left far behind, music everyday, singing and dancing in the comfort of home. Only walking for shorter distances, when my body can manage it. Have all these things allowed my brain to find a happier way to be, has it made it simpler for me to do the things I want to, because it’s not struggling to manage things it simply no longer can? To have the fog lifted, to be given this clarity and sense of peacefulness, contentment is a gift. I don’t know how long it may or may not stay this way. I wonder if when the New Year sees all the activities and meetings start up again, will it overwhelm my brain again., will it cause the fog to return, to fatigue what is at the moment a happy brain.
The dementia is still there, the struggles are still there, but to have a brain that feels light, clear and happier than it’s felt for a long time, feels so good. It makes me wonder if I will have to evaluate how much I’m doing going forward. After all if this quitter existence allows me a better quality of life hadn’t I better but some value and thought into that. Time will tell, in the meantime I shall enjoy that the curtains that have been drawn across my brain for so long have been opened at least for know.
Chrissy's Journey 