This is my new website, and I’m thrilled! Admittedly I’m also in awe of Kate Swaffer, and her unending support and willingness to help, as without her I would have still been sitting in a frustrated heap, angry at myself for no longer been able to put these things together. So a huge shout and heart felt thank you Kate, a dear friend and colleague, and fellow activist and advocate, for making my vision a reality, and for knowing me so well.
My book was released on June 30th of this year, and my first official book launch and signing was held on August 12. It was a great success and even though having to be very creative due to COVID-19, and ensuring we were in compliance with all the health Ministers’ rule, I’m grateful to all those who attended.
It was surreal and for the weeks after my book was released until this last few days, I have been on an emotional wave that was unexpected. But then it was explained to me, we all can and do many things in life, but most often we only allow ourselves to be vulnerable to a certain point, but when we truly open up and make ourselves completely vulnerable it takes on a whole new level of being and the emotions that go with it are something only those who have been willing to go there can understand.
People think you should just be happy, excited, proud, but instead you’re scared, apprehensive, nervous, sad, and yet somehow excited and proud too. It has, as all things do, taught me more about myself, that we are ever evolving, ever growing, and ever changing.
We question ourselves; we question who we are today.
I have had to learn to trust myself, to love myself, even the hard parts, and that’s a journey unto itself. In publishing a book, you become fully exposed, whereas most of the time we as people expose parts of ourselves we are ok with sharing, the rest, simmers within, unwilling to become vulnerable, we like the safety of the canons we create for ourselves to live in, being vulnerable you open yourself, to ridicule, to jealousy, to people unwilling and unable to maintain relationships, because they are not willing to stand in your vulnerability for fear they may have to become vulnerable, it uncomfortable. I didn’t know or expect any or all of this, when I released my book which was done with nothing more than a desire to help others, to bring light on a topic most fear.
It wasn’t about recognition, glory, or receiving accolades, it was simply to make a difference. I have spent the last few weeks working through this immense amount of emotional toll going on within myself.
Yesterday when driving down a windy country road, I suddenly felt myself smile. I thought to myself, you’re going to be ok, you’ve got this, this has changed me, made me even more aware at how much of a difference we can make if we are willing to use our voice literally or in the written sense, if we are willing to be that vulnerable.
It IS, and I am!
And it is who I will always be for as long as I am able. I hope you enjoy my new website, as I endeavour to showcase how even after a diagnosis of dementia, I am trying to live my best life.