My heart has been heavy, my soul weary, when I feel this way, when I feel like there is so much that needs to happen, so much needs to be done, yet not enough of us to carry the load, I know it’s time for me to go to that place where I can reground.
So after a busy day with multiple meetings yesterday, wondering how much gas I have left in the tank, already having scaled back, yet somehow still determined to do more, at 930 this morning, with my little dog in tow, a picnic packed, I’m pretty self sufficient, off to the woods we went. it was the perfect day, the warmest day we have had, that glorious day that the chill has finally left the breeze, the sun on your skin, warms you, it embraces you, it gives you that hug that for so so long because of covid, you’ve lacked. Somehow it it melts away the heaviness, the tiredness, and you can feel yourself start to breathe. You can here the wind as comes up the valley, it’s so good to hear nothing but the stillness, the wind, the hawk overhead, not a car, no one talking, a chipmunk chattering, the leaves rustling. The crunch of the ground below us as we explore around, gathering wood for a small fire, the crackle of the fire, the air felt so renewing.
I have watched over the last six months so many of us with dementia all feeling changes in ourselves, why so many of us, so seemingly simultaneously, has the underlying stress of covid had a bigger impact than we think or realize? Have we been feeling the effects of further isolation, further challenges to stay involved and connected? Many of us actually ended up busier, for most switching to online meetings has allowed more to be asked of us. Has all of the stress of trying to manage all of this all the while trying to just manage our day to day life during covid pandemic with a vastly misunderstood illness.
I’ve had so many conversations, lately, I feel the strain, I hear the angst, I hear the wanting to do more but not managing it, then feeling bad it’s a terrible place for them to be. I feel much the same way, the last year has seen my health take to many hits, too many hospitalizations, everything I do is harder, takes longer, and often just simply doesn’t happen.
So my happy place out in the woods, is where I go to recharge, to let my soul breathe, it’s what we all must do, find that place, if it’s the garden, standing in a steaming shower, shutting everything out and singing as loudly as you can. Do it, and reach out for those all important chats with a friend, share the fears, the tears, so the laughter can find its way again, we are normally ( at least those of us that I know) , who live with dementia are jovial and happy lot, but we get weary to, w e may be warriors, but every once in a while we need to take our cape off.
I stayed out in the woods not getting home till just before five, I refilled, recharged, shut the world off. It was good for me, I will need to do more of it in order to maintain doing all the things I want to do.
Supporting one another is vital, being compassionate understanding, encouraging each other to do things that require are good for us, even if it means we have to miss something along the way, looking out for each other.
We are all tired, we are weary, we are so appreciative of those who help us, for without them the toll we are all feeling would likely be much more.
I hope when this is all over we all get to reconnect, missing the conference in Singapore meant that much needed and important fac3 to face connections we get have been lacking. But after spending the day out in the woods, with Mother Nature I am reminded that their is a time of renewal, that everything has a cycle, spring evolves, hopeful for us all.