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Remembering what I don’t Remember

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I can’t explain why, but a need to go through boxes of old photos, while doing it i found a poem in my moms handwriting, I then found a letter from my grandmother, both of which I had no recollection of yet somehow I was meant to find them, it was like there was things in those writings that I needed to hear at this particular time. I’ve been somehow feeling like I don’t matter, in a very different and strange way. Yet somehow those words on the paper from them left me feeling so peaceful.I have been at peace in so many ways on so many levels , but in this regard it was a whole new and different level of inner peace that I have not ever felt. That I don’t remember those two things does not matter, that I was lead down this path of going through mementos a walk through my history because I was supposed to find them. We are sent and given messages if we are open to receiving them, I am grateful that I pay attention to those things, because it has provided me some pretty special and significant gifts, such as the very important messages in those words.

I have also spent a lot of time recently doing what I would say is getting my house in order. Different from getting my affairs in order, that was done and revamped as when I was diagnosed as well as reviewed and revised as needed. This was and is literally getting my house in order. Its like compartmentalizing everything in your house, ensuring you look at each thing, placing everything in a container of some type, all organized all accounted for, the walk through your house, both physically, emotionally and mentally, somehow necessary, needed. I don’t know why it’s all so important just that it is. It feels like a strange moment of time in my life., and I am very content and happy wandering this path at the moment.

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I also am spending time doing things that have been forgotten and needed tending too. This also resulted in some realizations and gifts received in the most unusual ways. I have been for three years now been paying my bills through my banking system as soon as my disability comes in, its important because my income is so limited I have to keep close account of everything and ensuring things like hydro are paid is vital. I monitor my power usage weekly, so I don’t end up with bills coming in that are unmanageable. In March I paid as I normally would, a week later I didn’t see it on my account, I thought to give it more time in case there was a delay in processing somehow.

Two days ago my new bill came it still wasn’t showing, a call to BC Hydro, no they didn’t see it, I would have to go to my bank, so a walk to the bank, printout in hand of my account where it came out of, the lady at the bank so helpful, ensuring it was sent to them, that it did not come back with any error message, confirmation numbers, back home I came, another call to BC Hydro, a lovely gentleman on the other end of the line, I explained the problem. He could see that in fact every month it came roughly the same day, then somehow he noticed and said my account number looked odd, but that it had been coming to that same number for years. He put me on hold to talk to one of his managers, this is where it got interesting, coming back on the line he gave a little chuckle, he said well we have solved the mystery, we have found the money. As he explains to me that for three years now my funds were going to an account that didn’t exist, what, wait, how can that be, I have long known that I can and do reverse numbers and letters, that I see words incorrectly, etc, all part of my dementia, often I do it without knowing or catching those errors, and it happens a lot now. Apparently it was happening even before I was aware of it, I had put the account number in my bill paying section of my banking stuff wrong. Thats not the most interesting part, every month for the last three years a wonderful person in the accounting department of BC Hydro had been taking that payment and transferring it to my correct account, a little angel looking after me without me ever knowing, but because of internal changes, this person was concerned they would not be able to continue to do this so had sent a memo through asking customer service to have someone contact me and help me get my account information set up correctly in my banking system. Thats what they were in the process of doing when I called in. Wow just wow, we both laughed at how amazing this was, I asked that he ensure they all were thanked for being my angels all this time. A Huge Shout Out to the wonderful people at BC Hydro.

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We went on to talk about my dementia and how it can and often does create havoc for us because of these types of things. Having him take the time for me to open my banking information, helping walk me through where to find the area I needed and ensuring by triple checking that we had in fact corrected the information, speaks volumes of how with a little time, patience and kindness we can live independently, a great teaching moment, a great moment of being able to acknowledge all those angels who quietly go above and beyond every day. Extra care will be needed regarding writing out numbers, words etc.

I think much of what is happening is just to help me navigate new changes in my brain, as my dementia keeps ever so slowly progressing, I am grateful it is of slow progression and I am hopeful that if I keep doing all I can to help myself I will get to complete a couple more things on my life list, before I call it a day.

Feeling like I have much to be grateful for.

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By WWW.Chrissy's Journey.com

I am an advocate for people with dementia in Canada and globally, having been diagnosed with younger onset dementia myself a few years ago.

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