Here we are with another month behind us, and although we are in a continued state of lock down due to the Covid 19 pandemic, time is moving quickly. Today, I am writing as I sit waiting until its time for me to leave for the hospital for my day surgery, its exploratory. I almost cancelled after our local hospital had a covid outbreak announced, but after conferring with Doctor, Have decided to go ahead, this exploratory surgery was elevated from urgent to “Rapid Response Needed”, which I wasn’t aware of, this all comes out of my last hospital stay last month, so given all that information, I decided that my I was going to be at risks one way or the other and decided that they could do their best to protect me from covid, but they could to little if they were unable to do this exploratory surgery.
Living alone means you have to be very proactive, so that when I come home I have everything to take care of myself, so meals prepped, water, ginger ale etc at my bedside, also a bag with my dogs things should she need to be picked up, and a bag packed that could be dropped off at the hospital should they decided to keep me, which is not to far a stretch for me. It means having things in place for people to phone every couple hours to check on you. They prefer you have someone with you for 24 to 48 hours, but for some of us those are luxuries that aren’t ours. It could and likely does cause some a lot of stress and anxiety but I am so used to having to put things into place that it actually causes me more stress to think of someone having to be here to “take care of me”. I don’t like to cause anyone inconvenience and even if they don’t mind it truly is a pain for someone. So I try to set myself up for success. It also makes me aware that the day is coming I will require more and more help.
It also just as the month as changed to another, that things in my life are going to be changing and I am not sure how, but I feel that change is upon me. I know I can’t try to figure out the how’s or why’s, I just have to let things unfold as they are meant to. Will it mean changes on the personal level, changes in my advocacy work, changes in my health status, not sure, but letting it unfold without trying to interfere with the process I am sure will bring about the best outcomes. It seems when trying to control the how’s or what’s it usually brings about negative results. Letting the universe guide me in all ways is much more appealing. I truly do try to live my life know but the reason, season, lifetime theory, so maybe we are moving into a new season that requires changes to take place. Seasons of our lives, ebbing and flowing, changing and adapting. Dementia has helped me immensely with being able to do this, instead of trying to control it all. I have learnt through my journey with Dementia, I have very little if any control. So here’s to a new month, the month of my birth, a month to celebrate all that has been and all the will be. Enjoy your April 1st. and watch for those April Fools jokes.