It’s 430 in the morning the moon is full and beautiful, I woke up feeling like I needed to capture some things here, I have to do them in these moments as they are here, or they forever disappear.
Yesterday being my birthday became a day unlike any other. I have during my 62 years spend many birthdays alone, not normally by choice but just by life happening. I have learnt to do many things alone out of wanting to have and do a life well lived rather than not “because I’m alone”. So yes a covid pandemic, a lockdown for the second birthday during the pandemic, meant again I would be spending it alone. However it became a a birthday that I felt less alone, than I ever have in all my years of aloneness. I received more beautiful messages, notes, emails, texts, messages via messenger and Facebook, phone calls and video calls, drop offs at the door, a lot of very beautiful heartfelt moments, that at one point overwhelmed me and I sat in a beautiful puddle of tears. That so many people had taken time out to ensure that I knew I was cared for and thought about, that Even though I was “ alone”, I never felt alone for one moment yesterday.. I just had to stop writing for a moment and watch as the moon so bright, so very beautiful slipped behind the mountains, another new day and new week unfolding.
Sitting there in my puddle of ( I must say Happy Tears), I was thinking about how that my dementia diagnosis has actually given me the gift of the family and friends who have decided to stick by me through it all, and added to it this dementia family, and together the most incredible family of people have entertained and became the very fabric of my being. It is the greatest blessings, the greatest of silver linings that my dementia has given, yes it has taken a lot, a life altered, a life so very different, a life with struggles daily to navigate the day, but the blessings of these connections, friendships that have deepened, new friendships formed, along with a dementia family that spans the globe, and some people think those are “not real”, friendships and relationships, but those of us that have them, know they are, we care deeply about each other, we laugh and cry together, just like with my friends and family. Had it not been for finding DAI, I may never have had the opportunity to gain these new friendships, these new additions to my “ family”, so I am and will be forever grateful for DAI, and it’s incredible role in my life.
my friends and family here in Canada, wished they could make it so I wasn’t alone on my birthday, but as I said to my niece, I have learnt along time ago that I had to treat myself as well as I would treat others, this included making myself a nice dinner, having a small birthday cake, just because I was spending it alone did not mean, it had to be in sadness, and it most certainly wasn’t. I got to enjoy all the messages, the drop and runs at the door.
I also received a beautiful picture and note from my brother and sister in law ( my late husbands brother and his wife), It is beautiful, and it also made me think about things which I sent a note back with what it made me realize. I’m including both here
You’ve survived another year!
I wish I could wish you perfect health, A loving husband, lots of kidsBut the Lord doesn’t seem to have thatIn store for you right now. But I can tell you I love and admireYour positive outlook, Your ability to see the bright side,Your fighting spirit,Your determination to change the wrong thingsIn the world where you can.We love you so much. Love Brent and Kay
Here was my response:
Thank you, this brought tears to my eyes, I don’t have perfect health, I feel I still have the love of a husband who watches me from afar, but I do truly miss him more than I ever say, the kids whose lives have been intertwined with mine , are all thriving and healthy good people so I’m grateful for whatever small piece I had in that, it brings me piece to see them all doing well, some I had with me for longer than others but I think that was part of Gods plan as well. So the Lord did not leave me without being touched by many and by great love, but right know he is guiding me in other directions, and the work I do know matters as well for many, I may not be able to get and see all the changes come to fruition but if I can encourage others, if I can continue to have faith that I am being directed and follow the path chosen for me life may not be easy all the time, but I am blessed in so many ways. So Thankyou for your beautiful words which helped me think about all those beautiful things.
This is so special I may include it in a blog .
So my birthday was beautiful in so many unexpected ways, and it was a beautiful reminder that what we have matters not, but who we are connected too, the people that touch our heart, it is love that matters, it is love that ensures that even if we are physically alone, we need not be alone, because our hearts are filled with love of those who become our family.