Learning about Myself at 62

It seems that life is always about learning, understanding and accepting. Yesterdays email which I will include parts of here, was perfectly in tune with what and how I have been feeling.

I understand that many do not and are not spiritually engaged, but my angels guide me always and I pay close attention to what they are telling me. I have always believed in powers greater than us. Some people call it being religious, some call it spiritual , some think it just hokey or plain crazy. It matters little to me, I know I receive many messages, not just in writing but they come in many ways, the visits from spirits late in the night, the message that comes through to stop me from doing something or going somewhere.

This message came exactly when I have been trying to get to that inner place to look inside and feel and hear what my heart is needing. the Hermit mode is exactly what I have been doing, quiet complementation sitting by the water, walking along the river, hugging trees, everywhere that puts me more in touch with my inner self. I know, I know, this is where many will say ” she really is losing it”, she’s crazy. and I won’t say your wrong, but maybe in losing oneself we find ourselves again, maybe being a little crazy, crazy enough to believe in something greater to looking outside the box society stuffs us into is not a bad thing. It just means I am looked at oddly. So here is my message yesterday:

Christine, right now Archangel Hamaliel is here to balance your overflowing emotions. 

Have you been feeling too emotional right now? As if you can’t see the whole picture clearly because your feelings keep blurring your vision?

It’s okay to be in tune emotionally, Christine…

But Archangel Hamaliel encourages you to tap into your logical mind right now to restore balance in your inner world. 

While many humans struggle to express themselves emotionally, let their feelings flow through them, and actually experience passion-filled lessons, you don’t try to shy away from these things. 

This is something to celebrate, Christine! 

However, there is always a need for balance. 

Tapping into the masculine energy that Archangel Hamaliel delivers can activate your logic, help you become more decisive, and make choices that benefit you in the long term, not just this moment. 

In order to help you invite the healing energy of Archangel Hamaliel into your life, it might be helpful to know more about him, right? 

Well to start, he is the Archangel that rules over the astrological sign Virgo and he also rules over Virgo’s ruling planet, Mercury. 

Even if you’re not a Virgo or don’t have any Virgo placements in your chart, you do have a Mercury placement that rules over your thinking and communication style. 

Familiarizing yourself with your individual chart can help you understand how Archangel Hamaliel may be trying to support you right now. 

Sometimes, if you see wheat (which is associated with the Virgin symbolism of Virgo) or a graceful swan, you can relax knowing that Archangel Hamaliel is nearby. 

When I called upon Hamaliel to help me make an important decision in my life, I saw a swan present itself at my local park’s lake. 

The swan is very interesting as you observe it, Christine. When it rests its long neck, it helps the swan’s head face inward towards their breast.

This symbolizes becoming more introspective to come to your decision. 

Also, pointing your mind towards your own heart, not looking outward for other’s opinions or perspectives, is another lesson that Archangel Hamaliel sends the swan to teach. 

Right now, he is inviting you to go into a quick hermit mode and meditate on some of the larger decisions that you’re going to have to make at this time. 

Remember to keep the bigger picture in mind and balance your mind and your heart, Christine!

So going to bed with a heavy heart, wondering should I be doing more, or less. The feeling that big changes are coming for me, and struggling with it all. Feeling like I don’t want to continue living my life as I am currently, I need more social engagement, I was a very very social person in my pre dementia life, I no longer can manage what I used to, but it doesn’t mean I am unable of engaging, I need to live somewhere where I can put my feet in the grass, my hands and toes in the dirt. I am struggling here to feel really alive, the way I like to feel. I make it work by going out into nature as much as I can, but its not ideal, days when I don’t feel well enough to drive and go to those places leaves me feeling trapped and like life is being chocked out of me.

But then this morning, I woke up acknowledging that yes I am very sensitive to things, much more so than many realize, many see me as tough, strong, outspoken, but I am in fact a very feeling and sensitive person, things effect me much more deeply than most will ever be allowed to see. So my message was very accurate, and just when I wondered if I was actually making a difference if it mattered, this morning another message came.

This message came from someone I had never met, little dog Pheobe decided to get up early, something she hasn’t been doing recently and wanted to go out. So we were outside of our building, she busy looking up and down the street, when a truck came around the corner, not unusual in any way, until suddenly it veered over to the curb and the window came down and a lady I had never seen before said ” You’re the lady that wrote the book about Dementia aren’t you?” Not expecting that, kind of startled actually, it took me a minute to respond, I said yes, she said I bought your book, I’ve been wanting to meet you, my husband has young onset Dementia, and I would really like to meet and talk to you more. I’ve read your book a couple times and Ive purchased it for someone else as well. She told me her name and asked if it would be ok once allowed for us to have a distance visit. Of course I said absolutely, yes she took down my unit number, thanked me and off she went. I stood there for a bit, marvelling at what had just happened. It made me realize that those moments are what matters, being that someone to go to, someone who is willing to talk about what is happening to them and their loved ones. Yes, I can use my voice and try to make a difference in many ways, but those are truly the ways that really bring it back to what making a difference is all about, doesn’t matter how big or small, what matters that you have been willing to be vulnerable to open yourself up to give others that safe place to be.

It reminded me that its ok to cut back, let go, and do what you can, it all matters. So no matter how much I continue doing or for how long is not the issue, it was about learning that piece of myself, accepting that this seemingly strong, independent woman, can also allow herself to accept the sensitive, caring feeling piece of herself and admit that I am not strong all the time, I falter, I cry, and at times I need to retreat, to heal, to rebalance, so that I can continue to make a difference where and how I can. Yes still learning at 62