This is the motto I have used since I received my diagnosis, however there are many days in this year 2021, that I have repeated that motto to my self only to then ask myself “ or am I”? The reality is life has changed a lot again this year for me, it’s hard to explain the changes, some are subtle, but they are there. This year has been far more difficult than 2020, and it’s only half over. One of the things that I am struggling with and trying to navigate is my newly found aversions to people, going out into public causes a lot of stress, I’d rather not, before it was the noise of places of not being able to focus if to many people were talking, but know it’s moved into something else that I’m not even sure how to explain it. Maybe it’s from being so isolated for so long that trying to navigate in the everyday world just somehow feels very odd. Venturing out has become a go only if absolutely necessary and time it so you can have the least interactions with others as possible.
It’s such a contrast to who I once once, miss social butterfly, the one who loved to entertain, always bringing people together, to now being the one who is most comfortable in the quiet and peacefulness and safety of my four walls away from people.
So I’m trying to navigate it, trying to get myself to be able to go out a little but small steps, inch by inch. I wonder how many others with dementia are feeling or seeing the impact of all the isolation or even able to recognize it. My cognitive abilities are a mess too, but I navigate those bits and pieces, and hoping once the smoke, and although the wind has cleared a lot of the visible smoke out during parts of the day, it drifts back in, the particles are still in the air, it gives me headaches everyday, somehow I think my brain pain and lighting bolts are preferable, as odd as that sounds, but this heat wave and the smoke, have and is causing me to be so tired, to have headaches everyday along with the fires, and the underlying stress that puts on my system, maybe once I navigate to the other side of all this, everything will settle into some kind of new normal.
In the mean time, power going on and off, internet going down intermittently, I will and am still pursuing my passion of advocating. It’s been hit and miss to attend things with everything going on, but I’m going to be trying depending on how I’m feeling and our situation with fires etc.
I do have irons in the fire and some exciting projects I am working on, along with working on my second book, but it does feel like like everything has been stalled but along with everything else I have to believe it’s all happening for a reason and as it’s meant too. Things will unfold as they should. And we just lost power again, hopefully the fires haven’t taken out the power stations. So till next time