I’ve spent the last few days going through a box of photos, some from my very early years, some brought about scatterings of memories, others complete blanks, but some of the things were fun to see, like pictures of my mom with me as just a little one, enjoying the water, clearly her love of water is where my love of water comes from. A childhood that for the most part I have only small windows of time that I can recall.
Something else that struck me was how we change, how as our life evolves so do we, I noticed it in several pictures, different looks, from being my natural blonde to auburn to black. I look at the pictures and I think who were you, and where did you go? Then I think and who am I know, I know I’m not who I was (even though I’m not sure on many levels of who that was), and interesting to see how it brought me to be who I am today. I’ve decided I’ll keep the box of photos on the table for a spell and try to enjoy all that it might remind me of, because as of late it has and is becoming more apparent at just how much I am forgetting.
Often almost as quickly as I do things I forget I have done them, meetings, speeches, presentations. Someone will bring up something that I have done or contributed too and I stare blankly trying for the life of me to remember what it is they are referring to, spelling and remembering the order that the letters of words go in is also becoming harder and I have to use Siri a lot to help me find words, using the wrong word more often. None of that bothers me, it is what it is, I improvise and do lots of substitutions, I stumble but I just keep going until I get what I want. Maybe it is not always in the way I want, but in the end it works out ok. I would live a life in filled with nothing but frustrations if I let all those missteps bother me, learning to laugh at oneself instead of putting all kinds of expectations on oneself is definitely a great way to get more enjoyment out of life.
Ok the other crazy crazy thing which likely will have people having something to say, because there is so much controversy around the vaccines, but I have to tell you of my recent experience, originally I had two of the pfizer vaccines, when I was called in they said they wanted me to have a Moderna shot but a higher dose due to my health conditions. After discussing it, I decided to go ahead, they told me it might really kick me in the butt for a few days because of it being the higher dose and how Moderna works. Well 24 hours after my shot, my fatigue lifted, my inflammation started to go down, everything in my system seemed to working in better fashion, my pain became manageable. Friday, Saturday and Sunday and again today, saw me feeling better and enjoying life again, going for walks, staying up not being in so much pain and so fatigued that I had to be in bed at 5 or 6, instead up till 8 or 9, awake much longer. It’s like it kicked my immune system into overdrive and gave my system a boost in ways I can’t even explain. In conversation with my doctor today, more conversations with my specialist will happen and then trying to pinpoint the whats of my system was so needing what part of the vaccine. In the meantime, I almost feel like I need to hold my breath for fear it unravels just as quickly as it helped. I am hoping it will work with my system and help it to give me another good stretch of time. It matters not where you are on the vaccine front, but it matters to me that maybe it is not all bad for all people. I am calling it my booster juice and said if it helps my system this much then sign me up, I’ll take another anytime. I don’t even remember when I was last feeling this good. It feels like a miracle was granted to me.
Life it’s everything, it’s hard, it’s happy, it’s sad, but for each and every chapter we become who we are meant to be. I’m ok with who I am know and I am happy here, but its sure fun to take a stroll through memory lane.