Time stands still for no one, there is no reset, or rewind, there is no going back, there is only moving forward. It surprises me that through a pandemic and lock downs, and natural disasters, time marched on and here we are on the first day of February 2022. Time has gone by quickly for me, which is odd considering for most of the last year I was to ill to do much more than try to stay alive. In fact every day I would tell myself I just have to get to the end of the day, then I’d go to bed telling myself you made it, you got another day, Then I’d tell myself I just have to make till spring that 2022 would be better for me, every morning I would be thankful that I woke. No matter how much I was Struggling I tried to stay positive, I tried to keep doing what I could, I tried to do everything I could to keep myself safe, and still look after myself. Its been a challenging year, I really focused on the smallest and simplist joys, celebrating every little win. If I was able to have a short walk, it was a win, and I embraced the joy of it.
And then January 5th came, a day I will never forget, a day I will always be thankful that Moderna came into my life. Giving me a gift, a miracle, something Not I or anyone else expected, none of us new this type of miracle could happen, but miracles do happen. There is more and more outcomes that will be beyond what we could have foreseen. Tomorrow will be exactly four weeks since I had that injection. It feels like someone rolled that clock back ten years. Yesterday I had to have more blood work done for comparable from December, not all are done or back, but they need them as they work with Moderna, for me the proof was in the pudding so to speak, inflammation markers down to levels not seen in over four years, kidney function better than its been in three years, that along with my improved lung function, no pain, the list goes on. Every day I am doing more physically, every day I am in awe. I am settling into it, I looked in the Mirror this morning and thought who are you, you look so different, my eyes sparkle, they don’t look dead. The haggard, tired, worn out look has disappeared. Yes my dementia remains, yes it will still cause me to make adjustments, but I have not had any lighting bolts flashing through my head, I have not had brain fog in three weeks, I have not had any pain anywhere in my body, so living with my dementia is something I feel has become manageable, and perhaps its progression will be slowed with less inflammation causing so much havoc throughout my body. My doctors keep telling me its important I get out there and do the things I have wanted to do, I am spending a lot of time on self care, letting things unfold, I will be getting back to meetings working on projects with some researchers, but not taking on too much, I love my advocacy work, but I must remember my doctors stressing the importance of doing thing Ive wanted to. Not having answers, not knowing if tomorrow I will walk up and suddenly the gift of feeling like Ive been handed ten years of life, I must remember to take that gift and make sure I make the most of it. So tonight Ill go to sleep thankful for the beautiful day I’ve just had. I’ll be grateful for the miracle bestowed on me, and I’ll smile, I’ll smile a lot.