I had a zoom call with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a very long time yesterday. She had sent me a surprise invite a few days previous, and in all honesty it couldn’t have come at a better time. It amazes me how things happen in the and at the most unexpected times and ways. I dont believe they are coincidents, I believe the universe gives us what we need sometimes even if we dont know we need them. This catch up zoom was so a perfect example, great to be able to just let things flow, it was effortless, laughter and tears, sharing and caring.
She was so genuinely happy to see me looking and feeling so good, she was genuine her her interest about the drastic and very positive results I have had frim my Moderna Vaccine. She was also able without me having to try to explain it, and actually put into words for me some of what Ive been struggling too, the challenge of trying to reunite this new and very different change, getting my mind to trust my body, stopping that fear that sneaks in. It is not quite as easy as people think, your mind and body must reestablish a new relationship with each other. For so long, I knew what how my body was and would react to what I was asking of it, it as changed so the connection between the two has to establish new paths of connectivity. Its like becoming one with yourself, again, often times we get disconnected with ourselves, sometimes without realizing it, sometimes because of events that were and are out of our control. Having someone help us make sense of it, is sometimes a gift without measure.
I have said in recent posts that I am trying to be mindful of what my body needs, giving myself space and time to settle into this new piece.
We talked about the hope that these vaccines and all the various ways they may lead to great things for so many, I believe there is much on the horizon. I have renewed hope, not just for myself but for so many going forward, in the coming years, and we all need hope, and seeing and feeling what this Moderna has done for me fills me with hope.
I wake up every morning put my hands to my face, every day that I still can feel my cheek bones, I am excited, I normally have a round face, but the inflammation that has plaque my body for the last year or more, having disappeared, I can actually feel my cheek bones, my sister in law said I look ten years younger than I did just a short couple of months ago. My body doesn’t hurt, I haven’t had brain fog in five weeks, but there is still this settling in period. It was so good to talk about it without worrying about judgement.
We all need to grant ourselves some grace, to be kind to ourselves, life challenges us, in good ways and not so good ways, the world seems to be at such a place of unrest, in so many ways it feels like good versus evil, it makes me want to tuck in at home and shelter myself from all the ugliness I see, but then I go out for my walks and I encounter kindness and see the good there still is. I remind myself everyday to not get caught up in it. That can be a very hard thing for us to do, I believe there is good and positive ways to bring about change, and there is ways that can although well intentioned ends up causing more harm than good, I will stick to trying to effect change through the channels I believe has the best chance of success, even if it takes longer, and perhaps the changes I advocate for my not seem to be as important to many, to those of us who work tirelessly for those changes they are every bit as important and I don’t want to disrupt others rights while I do it. And as I look at so much unrest in our world today, I cant help but wonder if all that energy were to be put into doing things that were of positive note, how much better the world would be, how much good could be done, how much change could happen. It feels as though right now people need to remember the old saying ” the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.”
This leads me to remind myself that I have been given this miracle, and I don’t t know have any of the answers as to the how’s or why’s, and all of the science and medical components of it are in the hands of my doctors and the Moderna folks. Many will question it, many will refuse to believe it, those who have witnessed it in me, watched, been scared for me over the last year, have the best and perhaps most important opinion and perspective. Perhaps at the end of the day all I can do, other than record any changes, what has happened and what it is for me as time goes along and maybe I am not supposed to now, maybe I am just supposed to accept what is, give myself the grace to enjoy it. I am getting there settling into my new normal. So thank you my friend for somehow knowing when to turn up.