Hard to believe we are already closing in on the end of day three of this New Year and what a year it’s already shaping into. So much and so many unexpected turns of events. At the end of 2022 and the start of 2023, another round of missed medications, a blister pack that looked like a mouse had travelled through taking bites from here and there, it was within that blister pack that the explanation of why I felt so out of sorts on the 1st day of the New Year, but fast forward to getting all those things back on track, nitroglycerin patches on, heart meds on board, makes the blood flow, makes the brain happy. Oh I hate when I screw those things up.
I started back in early December with what was almost an urgent need to purge and clean out my space. This became a daily ritual, and gifting all those things to someone else. I have been told you shouldn’t give it you should sell it, but life is about much more than money, at least for me, so day after day, drawer and cupboard and closet , one after the other the stuff went, a cleansing.
What I got from it was not just but creating space for other things to make room for in my life, it cleared my mind, it fed my soul, each piece a memory came, some made me laugh, others made me cry, some made me smile and think of someone or some other place. They say we need to declutter our minds, so that our brains can rest, I believe that. I went to bed each day exhausted from the work of doing the work, and although in truth it was a pleasant type of work, it somehow still left me exhausted. I learnt about myself during the process, I am continually learning about myself, I am always evolving, I have learnt to adapt throughout my life. During this and today on this final day of giving, I reflected on the last few days, much of what I gifted away was going to help get two new families established here, families that had to flee their homes in Ukraine, who arrived here with nothing. So gifting, giving back, I met incredible people, got to hear some incredible stories about why something in particular I was giving meant something to them. People and stories, shared hugs, no amount of money provides that, giving for the sake of giving without expecting anything in return, does more for your spirit, your heart and your soul.
So I have no idea what 2023 holds for me, and I wrote in an earlier blog that I was having no expectations on myself or 2023, but that’s not entirely true I have come to realize in this first three days. My expectation is that I will make the most of and take as much joy and happiness out of each and every day I am offered in 2023. I am here, doing well, not what was expected, nor predicted, but here I am, so every moment counts, every moment matters.
Strangely As I moved into day three of this year another turn of events, again one I am grateful that it has transpired. I am not sure of why, or why now, maybe I never will, maybe it doesn’t matter just that it has happened.
Today, the man I married 47 years ago, my first husband and I spent a good amount of time talking and reconnecting, and yes the marriage ended, doesn’t matter about the why’s, there is no fingers to point blame, there is no room for anger, bitterness. The fact is we were both young, I’ll prepared, I’ll equipped to deal with the life that unfolded. It was a different time. I am grateful that this happened today, maybe there was room for it after I de cluttered my life, my home and my mind.
A phenomenal way to start the year, the new becomes old the old becomes new. We will meet in person, there is much to say to each other. The how’s of how this transpired really doesn’t matter other than to say my sister had a little something to do with it, even though she isn’t here to know this finally happened, I believe she is seeing it from above and I believe she along with some other Angels made it happen, as and when it was meant to.
We are both different people now, yet still the same in many ways. Just equipped now to understand and see things we couldn’t years ago.
One thing that I am truly proud of through this time is that it has shown me that as much as I have tried to live true to my beliefs and philosophies is that in, fact I do. I often say that I had to learn to forgive others, even if they didn’t know it, that I also had to forgive myself for things in life, that if we forgive and yes we do that for ourselves, so we can heal, so that we can have the ability to have power over ourselves, carrying, anger, bitterness, guilt, it just keeps you stuck. Forgiveness allows you to evolve, grow, find joy and happiness.
You learn that life is hard, it hurts, sometimes so much you don’t think you will ever feel, or trust, or love, or be loved, or feel happiness or joy. Yes life is so damned hard, it’s tragic, it’s so riddled with traumatic events, some we don’t even realize that in fact they were traumatic. But it is in all of that messiness of life, all that hurt and despair, we can find, love, compassion, empathy, understanding. It is the way to having a better understanding of love. It propels us to grow, it pushes us to become who we are, or who we are not. Some times people want to stay in the familiar, in the hurt and pain because it is and has become comfortable for them, others don’t know or somehow can’t find their way through it, so it causes them to live a life of bitterness, resentment, always looking for someone, something to blame for the pain they carry.
So I am very proud that I have always said being able to find forgiveness for myself, and for others which has allowed me to grow, to evolve, to become who I am today. I am grateful that a reconnection of something from 47 years ago reminded that I am in fact living life to my truths. I alike who I have become as a person. It feels like a great start to year 2023.