Today, amidst the wind and smoke, with too many more fires starting in the province to keep track of, comes more changes for me.
I have seen more recent challenges again with my health, my brain fog a lot worse, my balance, vision, strength all off, my fatigue so bad, too put it bluntly I look like hell. yesterday the neighbour ladies all didn’t even ask if I was ok, they just said, do you need help you look like shit.
You could blame some of it on environmental factors, the extreme heat and the smoke, but this was more and I knew the environmental factors may be playing into it, but yes I knew it was a lot more.
Today my Doctor confirmed what I had been thinking and feeling. My heart is working too hard, the medications to help it are not enough now. So today my medication for my heart gets doubled, and one more added, he reminded me that we knew this would be where we were headed at some point and we are at that point. So first I go for my second dose of the Covid Vaccine and then I start my new heart meds. I will have to monitor myself until we see how my system adjusts to them.
It is becoming more and more of a balancing act between the different players in my life, but the players are the normal types of players, the players are the parts and pieces of my whole being, my heart, my brain, my vascular system. One changes, they all change, I have to adapt, it’s becoming that the time in between those things happening are becoming less and less. Sometimes I am not sure how long I can keep walking the high wire, or how long my body can is maybe the better way to put it.
Maybe the other question is how long to I want to keep pushing for more. My Doctor has been amazing, helping me have the years I have had, yes with many hospital stays, many hurdles to overcome, but always with the idea of giving me as much quality time as possible. He’s not ready to quit on that idea just yet, but am I? Or is my brain just not thinking well because my heart is not able to give it the blood/oxygen it needs right know? Will I feel like I’ve got more time and good quality still left when my heart is functioning better, if these meds actually are enough. So many questions. Too many things to try to balance.
Not sure how the second covid shot will effect me, coupled with a new mix of medications, I’ll be lying low for a few day, seems funny as it feels like I’ve been doing that for almost two years for one reason or another, either my health, or the environmental factors to which I have no control over.
Pheobe went and got her summer cut today as well so that she can be hopefully a little more comfortable in this extreme heat, she has been a trooper though and the fans have become her best friends, but I’m thankful that she isn’t scared of them. She amazes me every day, at 17, I try to make each day about her as much as I can, but she knows when my system is struggling and she watches over me closely. Together we have been a great team…. I will be forever grateful for the joy she brings me.
One reply on “The Heart Connects to the Brain”
Thoughts and feelings just are, and thankfully they come and go, hopefully when they are sad or frustrating that they go sooner than later. There is a song that is in my head when I look outside and feel “punky” and I don’t know all the words and tune but it goes like this “Look, look, look to the rainbow, follow the rainbow wherever you go, look, look, look to the rainbow….” I think it was from a movie called Brigadoon. Hanging in is tough though when the world is in chaos and our body is having a party and we are not invited. There is a saying that people would share with me, “Don’t worry, there is a light at the end of the tunnel”. I used to say, “Yes, but I’m the caboose at the end of the train and I can’t even see the front of the train, let alone the tunnel.” HUGS Christine, Debbie