I am feeling lost these days, feeling lost because I am finding myself more and more to be living in a world that I no longer fit in. At times I wonder is it that part of my dementia, or is it because it seems my view and understanding is so vastly different than anything else I am hearing or seeing these days. I keep trying to figure it out but I am now finding that i have to not think about it to much, it causes me stress, so best just leave it be, whatever the reason maybe what matters is that i am acutely aware that I am living in is becoming increasingly difficult for me to function. I truly don’t know where I belong at this point
I am always trying to find a place or space away from people, the chaos of society, the noise of society. The constant shrill of police, fire, ambulance, people yelling, vehicles, I sleep with two fans on but still often the noise wakens me. So between the noise and choas, and all the anger and hatred, I have become more and more isolating so that I can function.
Today I went farther afield because its getting harder to find that solitude close to home as it seems more and more people are wanting to be out in nature. pictures of todays outing below, one area I was in had such a serene and peaceful energy, I spent and could have spent much mote time there.
I am trying to manage through the winter at which time I will make some new plans for my next chapter, i need a place and space that will give me a small area to dig in the dirt, where i can plant and move things about, a small space but i need outdoor space, my place i am in i am grateful to have, but because I am living so isolated my space is very important for my well being. In some ways this place ticks a lot of boxes, in the downtown core, I have the ability to walk to the store, the doctors etc, but those things are becoming less import than finding a place that is quiet and peaceful.
This could likely be one of my last outings as winter and the cold temperatures arrive. i will be keeping an eye over the winter how not having nature to escape to impacts my well being. i will also be continue to looking at whether it is in fact my dementia or the environment around me making me feel like i don’t belong or more than not belonging just don’t fit in.
Today begins Canadas Long weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving. I hope where ever you are you have a lovely weekend and its also remember to spread love, joy and kindness. I am leaving you with the beautiful sun setting last night.
One reply on “No Longer Fitting in”
Thanks for speaking so honestly and frankly about your challenges, Christine. You are amazing and brave! Sending hugs.
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