I have been wanting to write but all my energy has been focused on fighting all the pain, and so many symptoms of which I have been free from since January. Which I have been grateful, oh so grateful for the last six months, after spending most of 2021 in bed, it was feeling good not to only have to fight the challenges and changes with the dementia, but fighting the pain caused by the thoracic issues, blood flow issues, lungs being impacted, blood flow, which means constant brain pain, coordination and vision impacted, and my angina on the rampage, along with all the fatigue.I was so hoping that when my system got the charge in January with unexpected results that it would be long lasting, but no one new for sure. Could this just be a glitch, could I get another up swing, I don’t know but the down turn is sorta hard to take. My brain malfunctioning more, is also causing havoc. But I am still smiling through the pain, laughing through all my fumbles and blunders. Like phoning someone today to apologizing for what I thought and was sure I had just hung up on her without saying goodbye or ending the conversation in any proper manner and I was feeling really bad about it only to find out I had not talked to her, and why would that become a very real thing, and a very upsetting thing, in the middle of the day. Well we know the answer, I know the answer, this is my dementia, this is my brain. These are the days you have to dig deep.
I have a lot of things sitting, emails half written, others unopened, only been able to manage two very small rides on my bike and walking is minimal, but I do what I can one minute and one day at a time. Its easy to get frustrated with myself , angry at myself, but this is all part of something that I do not have control over, I can only do the things I do to set myself up for success of living with the illness, and try to stay positive. Most importantly is to never stop being grateful, never stop finding joy in the moment and in the little things. So thats the update for now.