I have made some changes to my daily routines, trying to restore and recharge. One of the things I have done is gone back to my Buddha Boot Camp Book and back to practicing my meditations and mindfulness. It is grounding, and sometimes life pulls us away, sometimes life turns our life upside down, sometimes it throws us unexpectedly into the throws of grief, well actually whether expected or unexpected, grief hits us all differently, somedays it feels like you are drowning, somedays you go along just fine then suddenly you are overtaken again. The mental and emotional and physical exhaustion is something you cant quite explain, its something one only seems to understand after feeling the effects. Part of my self care means getting back to self care, it might be small little things, more rest, eating healthy, fresh air, being in Nature, to other things like sitting in quiet peaceful meditation, prayer or whatever or however you like to phrase it.
One of the other things I have decided to do is to do and change my eating routine. I eat healthy for the most part, but I have decided to eat backwards for a time, so I eat my dinner for breakfast and my breakfast for dinner. Sounds odd doesn’t it, but somehow in the quieter moments I could hear that I was being told to eat backwards, so yesterday i had my piece of chicken and salad for breakfast. I was surprised at how much I actually enjoyed it. And then for my supper I enjoyed a piece of toast and peanut butter and jam, with my bowl of berries with a splash of yogurt. I enjoyed it, enjoyed not having the heavier meal in the late afternoon. Listening to and quieting our life to allow room to hear what our hearts, minds and souls are trying to tell us, isn’t easy for most people, I always do better when I give myself space and time for it. My whole being needs healing time so thats what self care is about right now., and if eating backwards is part of it then thats what it will be. People often say to me that I am so strong, I don’t feel strong right now, I feel broken, but I know out of the brokenness I will emerge, a different person on many levels, but life will bring me to what and where I need to be.
Floating, drifting, letting things just be, no pushing, be ok, to just be ok, and somedays not even ok. Something we have spend many years trying to take away from people, by rushing people through life events and emotions, is the very thing that would allow people to heal, recover, move forward in a healthy manner. I am taking my right to have and do whatever is required for me to heal.
I have started doing some of my advocating work again, but only to the degree I feel I can manage, no longer feeling like “I have too”, taking the time to really focus in on the things that are the pieces of my advocacy work that are of the most importance to me, so that I can hopefully try to have a greater impact, making a positive difference for others.
Well it is 620 am, I have been sitting out side in the quiet zen fullness in the presence of my Buddhas since 330 am and its now time to get showered and ready for a morning walk before the heat of the day sets in.
I hope you all find a way to do and take the time to do those things that help keep you grounded and finding your inner peace.