AHH Yes More of those Sunday Ramblings

And this was the perfect picture for this post… I have already posted this, yup, it’s true, posted with no content, just a title, having a good laugh at myself, a little conversation with my brain asking it “what the hell are you doing”? Finding our way to laughter through the things that otherwise could cause a lot of frustration and anger, anxiety and tears, instead it is humour and laughing at one self is good for us. I don’t need to laugh at anyone else, I love to laugh with others but I don’t like to laugh at others, but laughing at myself is something that I have learnt to take great pleasure in. So thats how I began my post today.

Its been a remarkable week in many ways, a lot of release happening, a lot of deep inner work, inner peace and calm, feeling this is a great time of transition again but in many ways long over due transitions, giving myself permission to start living, living in a much deeper more meaningful way, not just a way that often was me doing what was expected, carrying responsibility to things that are no mine to carry any longer. It is truly time and ok for me to live a life and fit all those all other things in, instead of sitting and always waiting to fit in when it was right for others. I feel like I can breathe again. I had a lot of heaviness I was carrying, it is been replaced with lightness and light. Finding and being authentic to me. That has given me the ability to really think about what I want the rest of my journey to look like. I cannot control the rate of speed ( with the exception of controlling things like nutrition, sleep, stress, exercise), my disease will progress at whatever rate and in whatever way it chooses. In the meantime, I can live, just live, doing whatever makes me happy. I love the lightness I feel in my being. I feel surrounded by really good energy.

This morning I got up, did an hour exercising and dancing, and washed my car, then took the dog ( the weather has cooled since yesterday and our ongoing heat wave, but we are now smothering in smoke from all the surrounding fires, so while I can have my drapes and blinds open because the temp is low enough I don’t have to black it out, I still have to really limit any outdoor time due to the smoke. So for some reason I meant to be indoors a lot at this time, perhaps so that I can do all that inner work, do my meditating.

I had the pleasure of joining my support group ( I’ve been away for awhile with all the personal things happening, so it was so great to be back to reconnect, man those connections are so vital), they filled my heart and soul, and how much I had missed them was very quickly realized. The importance of those support groups and the friendships and sharing and caring done cannot ever be understated. If you have dementia or someone who does this is where they will find unequaled peer to peer support http://www.joindai.org it is free and invaluable in how life changing it truly is, and this is especially true for many who no longer want or can get out to any kind of support, if you are lucky enough to have support in your local area, these peer to peer can be a great add on.

I then went to meet and deliver something to a lady who had posted for something she needed, I had one and I really had no need for it at this time, so I gifted it to her, gifting things to people who can use it feels good, I remember how grateful I was and still am to the people who helped when I needed it particularly in the first few rough years after diagnosis. so giving back feels good. She was so thrilled, we had a lovely chat, I am glad I got to meet her, while we were chatting another young couple came and asked where they might be able to find something like I had just gifted her, so I helped them to know where they might post to say they were in need, we all had a great visit, kindness abounded. We all talked about how one small act of kindness goes so far and how it really brings more good. It was an uplifting encounter. I have had people say but you could have made $10, or some other amount, but sometimes, like today, seeing the good and how much it helped someone else, setting money aside brings much more value to your life. I don’t have much and I still struggle in many ways but if and when I have the opportunity to make a difference for someone else I try very hard too.

I am now making my once a week very healthy and balanced meal, I don’t cook a lot, I make this and that, small but healthy but once a week I make myself do a full meal, its all done in my air fryer, I love that I can bake and do so many different things with it. I also made another big pitcher of my home made iced tea, with black tea and lemons and limes, I don’t sweeten it and I enjoy it warm or cold and it feels like paying close attention to what and when I eat is proving good results in how my overall health is doing, even my specialist told me after doing all my heart tests again, that I am holding really well in all areas of my health and do keep doing what I am doing and to get out there and live as much as I can. And as I was writing that last sentence my phone rings, its the doctors office…humm, I pick it up its my doctor, he was supposed to finally be off for a much overdo and deserved break, but the doctor shortage has once again, thwarted him having any time off , this is heartbreaking to me, he has not had time off since the pandemic started, a few hours here or there a day or two here or there, but not substantial time off, its a crisis that if we all look we can see, we all want our holidays our time off, yet so often we hear the doctors berated for needing and wanting the same.

They are deserving, they need the break, its draining on them mentally and emotionally, I apologized to him and said I was truly sorry that again is time off didn’t happen. I have an appointment for Tuesday so was not expecting a call at a time when he should be on a holiday and it is the Sunday of a long weekend that most are off enjoying. He wanted to talk about my meds that I am on before he renews them for the pharmacy. I will still see him on Tuesday as scheduled. I wish I could take him something as a Thank you for all his hard work, I am not sure what would be an appropriate gift, I will have to put some thought into something. He has provided me with above care over and over again. I think we all need to let them know how much they are appreciated before we lose to many more.