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Just For a Moment

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Yesterday I had a lovely day, a beautiful day really, unless of course you count all the things that my brain had me struggling with. Like in the morning looking at my blister pack ,thats what they call it here when they prepackage your medications so you know what day and time to take them, I was confused I was sure I had taken my pills an hour earlier , but there it was my Wednesday pills staring at me, except wait let me go check, crap its Thursday..so what the heck did I take and what should or shouldn’t I take now? Well, maybe I better not take anything more and start again tomorrow. Almost missed a meeting, oops almost missed two, halfway through the day I realized I had put two of my nitro patches on. Geesh… oh well my printer wouldn’t work or at least my brain could figure out how to get it too work. Despite all of those blunders, I had a great day, but last night I woke up and I was angry, in that moment, I hated my dementia, hated it for challenging me so much, HATED,HATED, HATED IT… yes I have days were I hate my dementia, even though I say I live well with it, and for the most part I do, but some days, when it really challenges every thing I am doing, I rage at it, and last night thats what I did. My brain is fatigued today likely from me fighting it on some many fronts yesterday, so today is a home day a rest day a quiet day. Even with things like blister packs in place things are only good for as long as they are good and when they start becoming problematic, then we are back to the drawing board finding solutions to allow us to manage what we were but no longer are.

It’s a constant, changing, changing, changing again…never ending in the dementia world. It’s we we do we adapt. I was and am enjoying the beautiful weather, I can and love to be outdoors and this time of year is perfect, but some days my brain says no stay home and stay put, that was today, however I used it to go through clothes, and cupboards get rid of stuff that not longer serves me, every passing day, less is more for me. I have never had a closet so empty, cupboards with room to spare. Transitioning to what I don’t know but it feels like I am once again in transition.

My calendar is filling up again, advocacy work is kicking into gear, October will see me in Regina Saskatchewan, November in Toronto Ontario, other on line events as wellI really need my brain to cooperate and give me another year to complete things I still want to do. Some things in my control, others are not, I have to remind myself one step and one day at a time. Today was the first day I had a lighting bolt sear throw my head, so it was that clear warning, … yes I am paying attention…yes today I will let you rest my dear brain, I am sorry I was angry at you last night, I will do better to understand you. Thats me bargaining with my brain…. seems and sounds crazy right… well you should live inside this body/brain of mine. Dear Brain, I hope tomorrow we can play nicer again. For now just rest.

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By WWW.Chrissy's Journey.com

I am an advocate for people with dementia in Canada and globally, having been diagnosed with younger onset dementia myself a few years ago.

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