The difference a few hours or day can make, this morning I am what I would say is feeling a little hyper, cant sit still. My brain feels clear, the first time in weeks, TIA’s do that to me, that and fatigue, today I feel neither. Yippee it makes you want to run out and tackle the world, or at least dance down the street, I’ll settle for dancing around the house.
I was so fatigued yesterday I was in bed before six p.m., but obviously listening to my body is the best way to help myself. Hopefully I can have another decent stretch. This is Vascular Dementia, or my Vascular Dementia. Each one of us has unique and different yet often similar symptoms. I believe my fierce stubbornness, my fierce will to maintain my independence, and as much as many hate stubbornness in people sometimes if its challenged correctly, its a good thing, fir me I believe its what helped me be able to remain at a fairly high rate of functioning. That is something I can thank my mom for, she never tried to squash it out of us, she tried to teach us how to harness it for when we really need it. It has served me well in my 7+ years of living with Vascular Dementia.
Yesterday in conversation with one of the people I work with within the CCNA, we talked about my struggle lately to be engaged, not necessarily with the CCNA, but overall, with all my advocating work. It seems many of us are at a point of meeting fatigue, whether its advocating, support groups, presentations all those things. I thought it was just me, I was struggling to understand ” what was going on with me”. At first I thought it was because of my TIA, then I thought the fatigue, partly that is correct on both fronts, but there is another component, one that seems to be effecting a lot of us. That is simply life fatigued, so much on line stuff over the last few years, we are exhausted from it, we need time away from our computers, from social media and the like. So I scaled back a lot on what I am doing, hoping that by giving myself time, that come fall I will be ready to be back at it full swing. Its not easy to admit too but its like reaching a sort of burn out stage. But funny enough many many people are feeling it but trying to push beyond it. I am not willing to cause any more stress to my system so scaling back was a survival move, one I am happy that I have made. Again that stubbornness in me that allows me the good graces to say no sometimes. To put my own well being first. Today feels like a day that all those decisions are shining brightly so I know they were the right ones.
I am not disappearing, I will still be advocating and working on certain things, my writing will continue, but boy oh boy does it feel good to not feel bad about taking a break or saying sorry not today.