Another Christmas Day has come and gone. Christmas came so quickly this year, which seems in opposition to what one would think. We would think that time would be dragging, living amidst a global pandemic, but for me it feels like the accelerator has been pushed and time is going by so fast that I’m still months behind somewhere. I keep hearing people say I just want this year to hurry up and be over, and yet once time is gone we can’t get it back. I would like the pandemic to be over but the the changing of years on the calendar isn’t going to automatically bring that about. It will be the collective effort of mankind, or not. People have been stressed about having to be within their own family households for Christmas, many broke the rules, many not caring as long as they had the Christmas they wanted. It made others stop to consider the many who spend Christmas alone every year, and to think about and understand what that has felt like for them. I am one who lives alone and normally spends Christmas alone.
Everyone one was extremely worried about having to zoom, with family instead of in person visits. Yet when you think about when we were young there wasn’t the ability to do visits on video calls, and that was just a mere 20 or 30 years ago. We were asked to change one Christmas and something incredible happened because if it.
I actually had one of the nicest Christmases I have had in recent years. People driving by to drop off baking and treats and gifts, greetings across the parking lot, seeing warm and friendly faces as they pulled up, Christmas Day normally spent alone had me see many people to share laughter and coffee, share traditions and joy, I had more people spend time in my living room via zoom, and FaceTime, something that had not happened in recent years. So although I was alone, in the physical sense I did not spend Christmas alone at all, I spent it with friends from near and far, family in Alberta, friends in Scotland, England, eastern Canada, the US, even Australia, ending with a fabulous visit with a friend in Texas, they were lovely visits, my day flew by, I wasn’t alone.
So while many looked at having zoom Christmas as a negative for myself and likely many others who are normally alone, it was a positive. These visits were heartfelt, they were personal, it was sharing and caring. Seeing someone’s face light up, seeing their families, hearing their voices, seeing the beauty in their decorations, the heartfelt laughter, sharing stories of traditions and memories. It was like a warm hug that other wise would not have been received.
I received an email from a dear friend who lives in Scotland, whom I admire very much last night after our visit yesterday and to hear how it was as good for him as me was so heartwarming. The silver lining in the midst of a terrible pandemic shone brightly for me yesterday and I won’t forget this Christmas, and I won’t forget, not for what it wasn’t but for what it was. That’s a wrap.
I actually thought I had written this blog, but apparently I wrote it in my mind but not on paper. I didn’t realize that until this morning settling with my first coffee of the day I thought I would check it before hitting the post button. Except it wasn’t there, it was all formulated in my brain, but the action to actually write it didn’t connect, this is Dementia at work. Thankfully for some strange reason, my brain has decided to hang onto it so it ends up here.
It’s a quiet time, it’s Christmas Eve, tonight I will make my little turkey dinner for my little dog and I, I grew where Christmas tradition saw us have our dinner, open gifts, and then off to church, we never had Christmas Stockings we had Christmas plates, by our beds that were filled with candies, oranges and little baked treats. Christmas Day was for sleeping in, relaxing, tobogganing, playing in the snow. So I will have my Christmas tonight.
I have been blessed with people dropping off baked goods, vegetables, and gift bags and baskets, I’m grateful to all those who thought to remember that I’m alone at Christmas ( not because of the pandemic ),just because I am alone, its nice to be thought of, and although its just drive by drop offs just seeing your faces for a few minutes lifts the spirit, you have all touched my heart with your thoughtfulness. If it was possible I would have you all here for coffee to help me eat all these beautiful baked goods.
Healthwise, as most know I’ve really had challenges since March, and not with my Dementia, although my last testing was not great, It showed my recall has gotten significantly worse, short term memory is worse, but I’m still managing quite well, you become good at adapting and learning new ways to manage the shortcomings.
My other health challenges that began in March, have brought us to now., a call from My Doctor on Tuesday afternoon, all my inflammation markers are high, they know I don’t have an infection or any kind of virus, something triggered my immune system to start fighting in March, it’s like it’s supercharged, they know this is an autoimmune issue, they believe my vocal abilities and my decreased lung capacity are all connected to this, my fatigue, and the list goes on. So the specialist will help unravel it all to see if and what we can do, the problem is much of the medications to help with autoimmune don’t play nice with my dementia meds, so some very carefully weighed out decisions may have to be made. I wrestle with it, I really hope to get some of my physical abilities back, at least somewhat, but if it means losing more of my cognitive abilities quicker I’m not sure.
So Tuesday afternoon I took an “ I feel defeated“ day, I cried, I felt sadness I wondered if this is worth the continued fight. I and we people living with dementia are super-warriors, yes, but we are at the same time, not superheroes, we are still humans with all the normal reactions to abnormal events, we still feel sadness, loss, fear, along with happiness and joy. We have the same ups and downs like everyone else. Sometimes we have to quit fighting and say ” today I just want to feel bad, and sad and mourn for all that is happening,” this does not make us weak, this makes us human, yup we have not lost that. So I took a half-day to feel it, to wonder and question myself as to why I keep fighting, too which I don’t have the answer to except that there are still things I want to do and accomplish despite my complex health challenges.
So I slept for 14 hours, after which I got busy figuring out what in all of it I could do to try to help myself while the doctors try to do their thing. I can’t control the illness or illnesses at this point, but I can do all the things I know how to do to help my body fight. My body is carrying a lot of inflammation caused by this autoimmune piece, I have had no appetite for a long time, it’s been hard, I should be a tiny size but I’m not because of what’s going on in my body, and no appetite means it’s hard to give your body what it needs to fight. So Yesterday I set a plan in place to help my body, I have to eat one balanced meal a day, seems simple but when you zero appetite it’s harder than you think. I will have to prepare and make that meal, which on bad days is difficult because of my fatigue, and my dementia so I have set reminders on my Alexa so that at five pm every day it will remind me to sit down and eat. It will be a self-prescribed force feed, but it has to happen.
I will be continuing to work with my physiotherapist Kathy to help keep me mobile, Kathy has been a godsend to me and has become an integral part of my health team, as well I will continue to work with Lise Halverson, Lise owns Noodle Legs.ca, the company is new to Vernon, I started going to her osteo fit class this fall, she has regular classes as well as classes specifically for people with dementia. She has been a tremendous support and helps me, currently because the doctors don’t want me pushing but want me to do small amounts we are working outdoors social distancing of course. We use activator walking poles which were designed by Occupational Therapists at the women’s hospital in Vancouver, they are different than regular walking poles as they give you a whole-body workout. So if I can do 15 minutes that’s what we do, it’s slow steady at this point, a hard pill for me to swallow to go from walking 8/10 miles a day to a block or two, but hopefully, by spring, I will be well on my way again.
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We are lucky to have this company here, their program is designed by the women’s health hospital, and I think many can benefit, especially as we age and balance and coordination, etc become something we need to pay attention to.
It’s a fine balance to try to keep moving without depleting my body and ending up in bed for days, but I continue to try with the support systems I am fortunate to have. It is also possible that this is just part and parcel of my dementia, vascular dementia has a huge component that affects the immune system, they are and can be quite intertwined so it becomes quite complex. People tend to think dementia is just about memory loss but it is about so so much more and affects so many of our body systems. I’m grateful to those who help me in the fight to maintain as best I can, and to those who understand my need to have normal reactions at times to abnormal events.
The New Year will hopefully have more answers than questions, but I have learned that the complexity of my dementia, means that it challenges even the doctors, but I am grateful that they continue to try to help me have the best quality of life I can, and if at the end of the day this becomes another new normal I too will learn to manage that.
In the meantime, I will be grateful that I am here for another Christmas Eve, life is fleeting it’s best to always be mindful of that and be grateful for what we are given.
Wishing everyone a pleasant and peaceful Christmas Eve.
It’s been a year of watching people struggle to try to find positive things, we are after all in the middle of a global pandemic, something most of us never thought we would see in our lifetime. After all, weren’t things like pandemics, couldn’t or wouldn’t ever happen to us those things just happened in the past, surely not something we would have to worry about in our lifetimes. But if we look at the past it has many lessons for us today.
I think about how fortunate we are that we live in a time, that allows us to stay connected via video chats, facetime, zoom, and the like. I think about how fortunate we are that we live in a time that we can call up or go online and order what we need and have it brought out to our car. I think about how fortunate we are that we have things like ICU’s and ventilators to give people a fighting chance.
There have been many positive things that 2020 has brought us, like allowing us to take a step back, take time to breathe, spend time with our families and those we love, and really think and look at what truly is important in our lives. A forced time out if you will.
Enjoying some quieter days, instead of being so rushed all the time, that we are and have not actually been living, the old saying is: are you working to live or living to work, has come full circle and given us the opportunity to really put that into our individual perspectives.
Yes, we are living with many unknowns, yes we have had to change how we are doing things, and this pandemic has brought a lot of tragedy and heartbreak, but if we take a moment to think about how if we even think back to 25 or 30 years ago, how different it would have been when we didn’t have all the technology to help us stay connected when we didn’t have the medical capabilities that we have now. So I think if I had to live through a pandemic, this is the time I will be thankful for the ability to stay connected to stay safe, to have protocols put in place to help us do that, it’s inconvenient, that’s all.
We have leaders doing all they can to help us get through this, yes there will be some things that will not survive, businesses will close, others will thrive, but if they didn’t do the things they are doing it would be much worse. It doesn’t matter to me what political party you are affiliated with, they are at least in my country, are working together in an unprecedented manner, for the good of all, and we have watched, and for the most part, we are working together to make it through, doing our part as well.
We will in all likely hood see many things done differently going forward after the pandemic, but looking back in history these are the very events that propel us forward. It will be up to us as a society and as individuals to decide if we go forward in a positive manner or not.
Will we take the lessons given during this time, and let it make us bitter and angry, or will it leave us a little softer and more caring of the people and the world around us? I am hoping for the latter.
So I am grateful for the many positive things I have seen, witnessed, or felt over this year 0f the pandemic. 2020, it will definitely be one that won’t soon be forgotten, and just like our parents talked of the wars, the depression, we will talk of the year of the pandemic.
So moving closer to the end of 2020, I hope we can and all take time to think about the positives so that as a new year unfolds, we can move into it, with a hopeful and positive state of mind, and we look forward with hope.
Yesterday I spent many hours sitting quietly with my Christmas lights on, somehow they create a sense of peacefulness and calm. I sat thinking about the last couple weeks, the weeks coming ahead. We have some scary times looming, from just before Christmas until end of January early February( that’s my opinion only). Mostly because people don’t seem to understand that although Christmas is supposed to be different this year ( and many are refusing to do what’s required), Christmas can still happen, it can still be great, better to do it different,this year then put others and yourself at risk and then have people missing from that table for all future Christmases. It’s about attitude, it’s about understanding that if you truly love others and can love selflessly, then you would sacrifice doing things the same old way, for a period of time. This isn’t about conspiracy theories, yes we can make it about anything we want, and some will, but what it really is about is love. yes it’s that simple, do you love your fellow man enough to make some changes and short term sacrifices, or is your love directed more at yourself and your individual wants, and for the most part they are wants not needs. so what made me think about these things so deeply, I’ve been troubled watching the reckless behaviour, the disregard for others. Especially given that I’ve also had to watch some dear friends lose a son, another friend lose her husband, and another friend have one of their young bright 17 year old having to spend the next nine or months in the children’s hospital, undergoing unimaginable treatment, being away from her family and loved ones. While another cares for her terminally ill husband. And all those who care about them understanding the importance of not taking the risk and bringing and putting them more at risk, and not being able to be there in the ways one would like to be. This is why it’s so important to do our part, so that we can be there for those when they need us the most. Wearing a mask, staying home, changing how and who you spend Christmas with for one Christmas, for a period of months, is nothing in comparison to watching people you care about going through these events, it’s such a simple sacrifice, it’s a show of love to our fellow man, it’s a show of love.
It’s one in the afternoon and I’m back in bed, I think I over did it yesterday, a very long walk, which while it was so enjoyable was likely to much for me at this point, and then I suffer a set back. It may set me back for days or if I’m lucky just this one. I will rest, read, watch some Christmas shows and nap my way through the day. In the past pushing through was the norm for me, but since being sick in March, there is this new piece I am having to learn, don’t push, take things at a slower pace, but somehow on a day when I’m feeling really good like yesterday it’s hard to remind myself of that. No two days are alike anymore, trying to manage and schedule meetings, finally gave up on the calendar, was always on the wrong day or week, time is a challenge as well, so thankful for all the texts, messages and reminders so that I actually get where and when I need to, it may be all on line but it still creates a challenge for those of us living with dementia. I wonder why it seems to continually be a challenge for us beings to know and follow what is best for ourselves. We encourage others to, yet we seem to overlook listening to that advice for ourselves. So this next stretch of time while getting stronger and trying to gain endurance to get through a day there will be a focus on not overdoing, Too enjoying the better days, and being mindful of how much I’m doing so that instead of ending up back in bed I can hopefully stretch those good days.
I have learnt to overlook, laugh at and about the many blunders that my dementia creates for me in a day, so know I have to learn to manage this piece, which I don’t believe is being caused by my dementia but rather from ending up so sick in March and dealing with all the things that has brought about since, I will have a conversation I will have with my Internist tomorrow.
Sometimes I am my own worst enemy., but that also comes from being on my own and having to rely so much on self. Another lesson, and onwards I go, I’m still standing.
Today, I’ll enjoy my relaxation day, take it as a day to rest up for a very busy December, which seems funny considering I’m in my bubble of one, but zoom brings a lot of people into my home, for which I’m grateful, for without it the loneliness would become unbearable, so whether a meeting, a webinar, I’m grateful to have those things at this particular time.
There are moments in time that change the world for those living in that particular space of time. Things like wars, depression, and pandemics, and here we are in 2020, again in one of those spaces of time, the world has been hit by a pandemic.
This has and is creating havoc for all, fear, uncertainty, apprehension. None of us like living with the unknowns, we have become creatures that like to control. We have also become creatures who exhibit a lot of self-interest and carry a great amount of entitlement. We became a society that has based ourselves largely on materialistic ideals, bigger, better, more, more, more.
I hear people talk about their rights and that the lock down’s happening are against their right, they want to shop, to buy whatever types of goods they want when they want. That’s a frightening thing for me, they say they are worried about businesses surviving, and that they don’t want anyone controlling what they can do and when. Yet when you peel back the layers that’s exactly what has happened, people were controlled without realizing it, big business, commercialism, brainwashed people into believing they needed things, had to have the latest greatest of this that, and the other thing. That we needed to buy the next greatest thing out for our kids because Sally’s parents down the street were making sure she had, they convinced us to climb onto this fast-moving conveyor and run to have more, that we no longer could sit and relax at home, we needed to shop at all hours of the day and night, all days of the week.
So truly now that there is a pandemic, and we are being told we can’t do those things ( totally unnecessary things), that keep people in debt, stressed, and only keep the big players making more and more money, people are are willing to or unable to see the very thing they are fighting ( being controlled), is the very thing that has happened.
Hearing people say things like Christmas will be ruined is most unbelievable, Christmas was never supposed to be about shopping, and scrambling and robbing people to have the best gifts under the tree. Hearing that just confirms to me how truly sad the state of being we as humans are in.
Wars, depressions, pandemics of the past, have shown us that in order for us to thrive we must first face adversity and change. We are in a great time of change. We are at a crossroads, are we willing to forgo the human element, do we care more about our right to indulge ourselves in commercialism, that we are willing to refuse to do what we know will help and protect ourselves and our families? Have we become the society that has placed such little value on human life? Have we lost the ability to do what we must for the greater good? Yes, some businesses will not survive others are thriving, new ones are finding their way, others are adapting to new ways. We don’t want anyone’s business to fail but we must not let commercialism take precedence over taking care and looking after our very beings. For if we fail to look after the people the businesses will not survive anyways.
I was on the same trajectory as everyone else, I rode the conveyor along with everyone, that is until my Dementia hit, it was like being swept away in a tsunami, being washed ashore in unfamiliar territory. Through that, I started to have to survive the multitude of losses, and they keep coming. But I have survived the many changes and challenges, and know as I walk through the uncharted time of walking through a pandemic, I know have a new uncertainty, trying to keep myself safe, knowing if things get really bad that I could be one of the ones if I get sick who end up being triaged and not getting the care because of my diagnosis.
Yet I don’t and can’t live with that fear, I have to look at doing all I can to stay safe, and in doing so it means I am also doing all I can to protect others. I am determined to come out the other end of the pandemic, and yes there will be an end just like war, depressions, and other pandemics there will be an end. I have to stay positive, I live alone, I have no one to help keep me calm, to help me destress, so I have to work hard at keeping myself in a good place mentally and as physically well as I can.
In past times, they did not have the ease of news any time of day or night, or the briefing by our public health, people heard through newspaper and through other people bringing the news from other areas and new what to do, and they did what they needed to do. It saddens me that we know have to be told and when told we want to create unrest over it, instead of pulling together and doing everything we can to help all get through this time.
This means I look to the future, and hope that as we move out of this we come out with a world that is less hurried, less about greed, more about helping, caring and making the world a brighter happier place. Where we place the value back on the human being instead of $$$, things and stuff. Where our elders are looked up to and everyone ensures they are looked after, where we can walk down our streets and around our neighbourhoods feeling safe and knowing our neighbours long before a catastrophe happens in our lives or theirs. Where we hold the door open for someone, where we are not to busy to stop and help.
Yes, those things still happen, we see people pull together to help, most of us have felt the kindness that can and does surface, but I hope after this pandemic it becomes the norm. I hope we go back to The small mom and pop businesses thriving, I’ve never liked big box stores. I hope as and when we come out of this pandemic knowing full well life will be forever changed because of it and because change is part of life, we see the human piece be the piece that super cedes all else.
So on the lighter side of Dementia at least my Dementia, and I don’t write this to make light of the challenges and difficulties, but it’s important that I am able to find laughter amidst my ever-changing being.
So many changes have been occurring over the last several months some more noticeable than others. An while I have been ensuring I have projects to do and things to fill my time and engage my brain during our isolation due to the pandemic, I had thought to buy myself a jigsaw puzzle. Yes, they are good for us, no they are not a waste of time, and they bring enjoyment, however, I come to realize I don’t need to buy a jigsaw puzzle because my dementia has provided me with my own real-life jigsaw puzzle.
Yes, my life has become a never-ending jigsaw puzzle, trying every day to find the lost bits and pieces to manage through the day. In some ways it somewhat frightening, however, I instead have decided to embrace this new chapter of challenges, and fill my time each day looking for those pieces of the puzzle. This morning I was looking for the apron that I wore while cooking yesterday, I spend a couple hours trying to find it to no avail. Then I decided to look for the ziplock bags that I have not been able to find for three days, I found them while sidetracked looking for another misplaced item, there were my ziplock bags in my little cabinet that houses my linens, hmm, not sure what the thought process was to have that happen. Still did not find the apron, strange, I have two that normally hang in the same place, but nope it’s not there.
However, I decided I must know to decide to find my hair curlers, its the first day since March that I felt well enough to actually do my hair and put on full makeup, this made me very happy, its been a long haul, and hoping not to have a backward slide.
It felt good to have a day where I actually felt productive, and that I contributed to a level that I can be happy with. I take the small victories, I can no longer manage for the number of hours or at the level I did even a year ago, but I manage.
Towards the end of the day, time to put together dinner, going to take out a pot for steaming some Broccoli I was delighted to find my Apron, I laughed, a really good laugh at the silliness of things lost and found, and at how in the end the pieces of the jigsaw that is now my life find their way to be where they are meant to be.
I know its truly not a laughing matter, that it is another sign of how things are changing for me, but I chose to embrace it, laugh about it, being frustrated, and creating stress and anxiety for myself will do more harm than good, and besides while being isolated, it does keep me busy, and using my brain, in anything than normal ways.
This morning I woke up to receive the go-ahead to share and post an interview done last week by Hanh Brown of Boomer Living, they have published it now so I am happy to share it with you all. I really enjoyed this interview and have since been asked to take part in a virtual event in December that Boomer Living is doing and I will be doing a short speech. I take all of these interviews, speaking engagements, and the work I do very seriously, I also understand the importance of being my true and authentic person in all these things.
I do it for no other reason than to try to bring awareness, change, and hope to others, to make a difference. I don’t want to waste my life feeling sorry for myself, wallowing in self-pity, using my eneg=rgy in all positive fashion, helps me live my best life, despite living with Dementia.
So I am grateful for those who have helped me in my pursuit to help others, by promoting my book, doing interviews, providing me speaking opportunities.
I know the day will come when those things will no longer be possible. I can hear in this interview, how my dementia is changing, I hear my mistakes, dates wrong, the hesitation in speaking trying to find and formulate the words, yes, I see them, I hear them, I live with them. But I do not let them stop me from my desire to be a voice for those who have or cannot use theirs, I think about all those people each and every time and try to right by them. I feel a sense of responsibility.
No there is no glory, no accolades, there is no need for those things, if it was the goal to attain those things, I would have taken up acting or singing or something. This is about contributing in a meaningful way during my time here.
Life is short and fleeting, to know that when the end is here I have done my best to make the world a little better in some small way, means that I have lived, and that is enough.
Thank you, Hanh Brown and Boomer Living, this was a beautiful start to the day.
Our mental health is and should be something we all pay attention too. I always have, I go seek help, when and if I feel I’m faltering, whether through my doctor, counselling or by attending my dementia Alliance International On line Support Groups or other mental health options there are. My mental health is at the top of the list when I do my daily check-ins with myself, it’s something I do every morning. Since our first lock down in March due to covid, and because of being ill for months, it has been extremely important that I keep my mental well being locked after. Many don’t know how or what to do to look after there mental health, because a large part of society has been running in high gear, running to work, running to meet up with people for dinners and coffee dates, shopping, running to the gym, to all kinds of things signed up for, running kids to all kinds of things to keep them busy, so no time to actually stop, and just breathe and just be, to hear your own thoughts, think about your happiness and well being from the inside. And then the world as we new it stopped, ( this is for me just another stoppage, my world as I knew it stopped with my Dementia Diagnosis), so maybe for me it’s another of those often unseen gifts our dementia gives us, we have already had to readjust our whole being, learn to adapt to a new way of life but for many, all of a sudden they don’t know what to do with their thoughts, we were too busy in the past to hear them, now they are paralyzing us. We have many months ahead of us that are going to challenge us all, maybe in ways we can’t even imagine, so I know that keeping my Mental Health in good condition is vital to coming out the other side of this as good as when it started. This starts with keeping myself focused on the things I can do, not thinking about the things I can’t do right know.
Living alone makes it more important, there is no one to have a coffee with and talk about things, to help keep each other in check, so doing so myself is truly not an option but a necessity. I look for things I can do everyday, often just little things, and even though I have recently felt and realized another round of brain slippage ( my term for more cognitive challenges due to my dementia), so a lot more of the things I could easily do are now much more challenging, I’m running into more of those things daily, so I have to manage them find new ways of doing things or be frustrated and upset all the time by them. I choose to manage them. Lots of people struggle with this because we are so used to doing certain things, we think we don’t want to or wouldn’t like doing things that are not part of our norm ( again the gift of my dementia, everyday takes adapting, adjusting, reconfiguring, ), so winter is looming, instead of trying to maintain doing things as in every other year, we have to do this one differently, maybe that means putting up the Christmas in November instead of December, or having Christmas in January instead of December ( I did that one year out of necessity years ago, it was and still stands out as one of my most amazing Christmases.) my tree went up yesterday, today will be doing all the bits around that. Listen to music 🎼 instead of the news, The news can overwhelm us, we don’t need it every day, with technology you can get the pieces you really need when you’re able to manage it, we don’t need it coming at us for an hour or two every day.
We must find things that will keep our minds and our hands busy, the two things that together can really impact our mental health, things like adult colouring books jugs as puzzles, painting, drawing and yes even writing, is good for our mental health, and I can hear the sighs, of I’m not doing that I can’t do that and that’s just BS from many, but don’t knock it till you try it, you would be surprised at something as simple as putting a puzzle together or colouring a picture can change your mindset. I realized that I was really going to have to ensure I had those things on hand for the coming winter. My walks can continue, also good for our mental health. Try baking or cooking something new, sew, work in your shop or garage building or fixing. And stay connected, do the old fashioned phone calls, do video calls or zoom calls. Connect with people that you often wonder how they are but are always to busy to pick up the phone and call. Texts are great, but the sound of another’s voice is so much more up lifting.
All these things help keep our mental health in good shape. So has we all try to navigate a rapidly changing environments, and how we go about living, instead of being angry, instead of worrying about conspiracy theories or how about we focus on doing our best and our parts to help lift each other up, be cheerleaders for each other, maybe we can’t do it face to face but we can and still have the ability to be a light that shines in the dark days, together instead of fighting each other and arguing about how bad it is or isn’t maybe let’s put our energy I do ensuring we are doing our part to keep our mental health healthy, and that of all those around us who may need that simple phone call, so as we move into 2021, things may be different but we can still be standing strong.
So over the last two days, I have had to sit and weigh some very big things. Now for those who know me they know, I have been extremely cognizant of the importance of being vigilant due to covid 19. It has meant social distance visits, mostly outdoors, not going out for lunch or dinners, a life that is already very solidary became even more solitude. But the last two days, learning much about the realities from very trusted sources, sometimes I feel so grateful for all the opportunities to work( ok volunteer my time) with so many talented and gifted people. But in all of that, there is a lot to be learned within those meetings.
However, I may have Dementia but I am far from stupid, no one has had to tell me to wear a mask, or to limit where I go and my contact with others. I can see for myself, I can add up the death rates, I also know what happens if our health care system and its workforce get sick, no one has to tell me, and given all that I know and all that is coming in the coming weeks and likely months.
I have made the hard decision because I live alone, there is no one to take care of me because my health is already so unstable much of the time. I have been over the last several days bringing in enough supplies to get myself through the next couple of months. I have water, I have necessities, I have food, the rest to come tomorrow, after which time, I will be a bubble of one for the next few months, me and my dog Pheobe, we will keep each other company, I have to look after my health, I want to be able to stand at the end of this pandemic, so for a time, for this time, I become 100% isolated.
I hope to be able to see people via video calls, facetime, and zoom, and telephone calls, it is those interactions that will keep me afloat, it will be the piece that keeps me able to manage my mental well being. I also want to keep others safe so this is the best way forward for the time being.
Thankfully, the new measures brought in today have helped me in all of this, people are to stay to just who is in their household, I am a household of one. this also makes me acutely aware of the pitfalls of being on your own. Not having anyone to talk to or have coffee with or share your worries or fears, but I am not the only one who lives alone, so I am asking that if you know someone who lives alone, take the time to call and chat, you might be the one person who kept them treading water on a bad day.
Thankfully I have projects on the go, I also have my various research and Dementia groups and Organizations, that will keep me mentally stimulated. Time flies by even during difficult times, I’ve endured many difficult days in my life, this is a difficult time for everyone, I hope everyone does what they need to do to ensure their families and their own well being while continuing to think of those who do not have a support system around them. I will be Ok because I have every intention to finish things that have been put off because of this pandemic. This weekend, I will decorate my little space, while listening to Christmas Music. I will make Christmas Dinner and smile watching my dog enjoy hers, and I will reflect and be grateful for all the good that is still to be had and that there still is in this world, and I will look forward to all those phone calls and chats.
Writing will help me as well, another book to write,? Well, you never know. But the writing will document how the Covid 19 has impacted people living with Dementia, it information they are wanting to gather my writing will help with that.
Chrissy's Journey 