Category: Christine Thelker © 2020

Chaotic, disjointed, and out of place, is how much of the world and those of us living in it feel at the moment, at least from where I sit. Trying to find our way out of pandemic, yet at the same time waiting to see what it’s going to do next. Wanting to rejoin the rest of society to some capacity, but not totally comfortable too, it doesn’t feel like a very comfortable place right now, and then theres the underlying stress of a war that rages and a crazy man, not sure what or when he throw more at us all and knowing the longer he is allowed to continue on this path, the bigger impact we will all face.

It’s hard to watch what’s happening, doing small things to help support Ukraine, it doesn’t feel like enough. Even though we all must get about our days, everyone I talk to is tired, most have now explanation for why, except if we truly acknowledge that what we have been through and what we are currently facing and that it creates a subconscious stress in all of us, then we can understand the tiredness. It’s like being thrown into a blender that just keeps spinning around and around and you just want someone to turn it off, the problem with it all is that it is out of our control. That what makes us tired, the constant chaos.

I am going to be 63 next month, and after being raised by a mother on her own with four young children, the lessons she instilled on us are serving me in ways I never thought I would live to see the need for, but here we are, and I have used those lessons to get through some very challenging hurdles in my life, like the death of my husband, I was ill prepared to be a widow at 47, then dementia at 56, but those lessons she taught me served me, helped me survive them, to move through it and come out of it all different but still standing and know the lessons have given me the foresight to not be foolish enough to think that we won’t ever have to worry about food or basic necessities, so I have taken the lessons and prepared myself for those hard days that are staring at us. If they don’t come to fruition it will be worth celebrating, but at least being as prepared as I can allows me to know I have done my best to take care of myself and none of it will be a waste. I hope everyone is doing what they can to ensure they will get through the coming times as well. I pray for peace each day, I pray love carries us through, I hope kindness prevails.

In all of this uncertainty it feels like there is things shifting and changing in other ways as well. The world of advocacy feels like it is changing, maybe it’s not, maybe it’s me that is changing but it most certainly feels like it is. Like there is so many people trying to get a piece of the business of Dementia, and that is how it feels, like it is the “business”, of dementia that has happened, like we are losing the human aspect of dementia to the business of dementia. It has become about how each organization can get a piece of the pie, better known as funds, funds that should actually be being used to help those living with Dementia, but the bulk goes to the running of the business, and it feels like there is getting to be more and more organizations popping up, I for a long time said we needed all the organizations to sit at the same table, work out who was going to take on which piece and aspect to the betterment of all with Dementia and focus on those aspects, instead, more and more start up, everyone competing for the same $$, the biggest losers in all of this is the actual people living with Dementia.

It’s causing many of us who advocate rethink how and when and where we are advocating, and at times wondering if there is any point in continuing with it at all. The last couple years have also made many of us realize we must also put as much time into our everyday life and living as we do our advocacy work. We have to remember to live life, our true and authentic life, if we truly want to advocate and show how we are able to still have a quality of life.

And for now we have to be ok, with all the baby steps as we step into these ever changing times. Dementia teaches us to change and adapt almost daily, use it to help you as you forge into these unknown times. Just know that what ever you do is enough.

I am forgoing presenting in person, at the ADI Conference in June, in London England, and although two of my abstracts have been chosen, something that I am very proud of. I am going to do one via prerecording, the other I am going to withdraw for another time, it is enough. It takes a lot of stress off and that means its enough. I am at peace with my decision, although I would love the opportunity to see so many and meet others, this does not feel like the right time. I feel good that I am still presenting, and I can feel good that I have done what is best for me at this time. I can hope that another time will see me do in person again.

Just let love and kindness help us all build bridges to see better tomorrows.

So this swirls around comes and goes, sometimes sparked by and in conversations, other times just by taking part in things and listening, and watching and maybe more than is realized at times and then when sitting in the quiet I think about these things. My views won’t align with everyones and that is ok, actually often my views don’t align with others. Sometimes they are in perfect alignment, and neither is right or wrong.

So when I think about Dementia/Alzheimer’s organizations and groups in context with controlling the narrative, it makes sense in the simplified form that they want to control the narrative for that is how and what they use to meet the organizations goals and agenda. They need to have goals and agenda’s, and the people who are in paid positions should be working whole heartedly to help meet those goals and agenda’s. Those goals and agendas often come on the shirt tails of people living with dementia. Working with people with dementia is great and needed, only those living with the illness have the inside track on the illness and all that it entails.

We, the people living with dementia must just always be careful that we do not allow our narrative to be controlled, advocacy means we are striving to help make changes, but if we have to follow someone else’s narrative instead of our own, then we are no longer actually advocating we are pushing some else’s agenda.

We can be loyal to an organization and still true to advocating in ways that align with who we are, as long as we are not pushed to align only with this organization or that organization or this one’s agenda or that ones agenda. As an advocate, we should be able to work with many organizations while staying true to self, we should be able to work with many groups and organizations so that the voices of those with dementia are heard not controlled.

Working with and in ways with as many as we feel we can manage on a day to day basis, this also holds true for working with research groups, we all have varied interest, and we should all be encouraged and encourage each other to participate in research in ways that help us to feel like we are valued, that we have purpose that we are making a difference.

We also need to be encouraged to look after ourselves first and foremost, advocacy can and often does take over, because we are passionate about wanting to make a difference. Because it does give us purpose, sometimes, we forget about the other aspect of who we are, we are still people, with outside interests, needs and wants.

It sometimes becomes easy to put all those things on the back burner, I wonder if that is partially because we go through such devastation and lose of self when we are diagnosed so when we and if we find ourselves in a place where we feel valued and that we have purpose. Which is something we all need, whether we have dementia or not. This can and often leads to a situation where we feel we need to do more and more, we put this pressure on ourselves and it is then that we forget the other parts and pieces of who and what we are. We are not our illness, but sometimes we become so caught up in advocating about it, that we end up so entrenched, it’s as though it’s all we are, so we become what we advocate we are not.

There are many fine lines to walk, sometimes we cross lines without ever meaning too, this can happen for those without dementia as well. But it is important that when we recognize that we need to pull back, step back, change direction, change focus, then we need to give ourselves permission to do so and hopefully all those groups and organizations will encourage that, and be happy to have us doing whatever we feel is manageable and allowing that to ebb and flow just like our dementia.

We need to be loyal to the point of speaking in a good manner about the groups and organizations we work with, that also doesn’t mean we can’t speak about about things we think are wrong. Both are important. Finding the balance in it all is not always easy.

For me personally I am working with many, I am deeply fond of some, but hopefully have good working relationships with them all. I am not always popular for I do stick to being true to myself, and so if I am not or don’t fall into alignment then I won’t be popular and thats ok, its more important that I remain true to who I am. I truly appreciate the groups and organizations that allow me to be me, Christine, the person first and foremost and then Christine the Advocate, because, being an advocate is just a small part of who and what I am.

I am grateful for the many different ways different groups and organizations have enriched my life, I hope they know that. I hope they know that whatever and whenever I agree to work with them on various things in various ways, that I do so with a good intention, giving the best I have of myself while doing so. I hope that they can and will continue to honour me when I have to pull back, or forgo certain things.

I have to take care of myself, my mental and emotional well being along with my physical well being, my heart and soul. So that I can continue to advocate for a long time.

I also hope that we allow others the grace to do the same. Advocacy is not about being a star, or recognition or being the best or better than anyone else. Advocacy is about all working to the greater good, for the good of many. Knowing and believing we have done our very best to that end should always be enough.

I have been privileged and blessed to have met many great people, made many friendships, since my diagnosis and through all my advocacy work, through all the many groups and organizations that have allowed me to be part of their group. Every time I give a talk, or do a presentation, I meet someone who reaches out, who in hearing their story reminds me of why I continue to do what I do, that is always enough.

I hope that if you advocate you remember to look after yourself, and that it’s ok to do that, I hope if you advocate, you remember why you are doing it. I hope one day things will be so good no one will have to advocate but until then I wish you all love and happiness and hope that whatever you do you do it with a large dose of kindness.

Today spring has arrived, a time of renewal, the freshing up after the earths winter sleep. Its also time for us to refresh our lives, our dreams and goals. This seems like a daunting task as we start to slowly come out of the pandemic, and war is raging. There is so much anger everywhere, fear grips many. We have lived life for a few generations now for the most part without ever having to endure truly hard times, or go without, or do without, we have been living in a time of the throw away society, and just go get whatever you want whenever you want society, the wine and dine society, the grab and go society, grab breakfast and coffee in the way to work, don’t pack your lunch, just go grab lunch out, too tired to cook, pick something up or better yet have it delivered. Then we ended up with disasters, creating supply issues, we often look to blame someone, usually governments at all levels, but the fact is we are all collectively responsible, we have contributed to global warming, we have polluted our waterways and oceans, with all our throwaways. We quit gardening, we quit a lot of things that helped make healthy families, and communities. our young people have lost hope, mental health issues abound, addiction issues abound, we have failed as humans. We decided it was more important to have more, do more, it fractured families in unexpected ways because we believed and chose to believe that climbing the corporate ladder, bigger homes, fancier cars, measured our standing, instead of it being about our strength of family. The pandemic brought more people back to family, baking, canning, spending real time together, the coming time will likely increase that, as we see further supply shortages, increased prices for everything. So as we spring forward things will continue to change, it wont all be easy but perhaps the silver lining will be that it will bring us back to a more balanced way of being. I am not without a huge amount of hope going forward. I love this time of year a time of renewal, and I wish you all a joyful and peaceful spring.

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Sometimes, ok well often times, I forget things I have done, projects I have worked on etc. But I have discovered, instead of being upset by it, or stressed by it, to just now that maybe someday in some way, something will trigger a reminder. By just settling into the fact that I won’t remember much of what I do, created space for some unexpected surprises, when someone lets you know something you’ve worked on or contributed to is complete, its like such an amazing moment. First its like, you’re like really I did, then the fits of laughter, then its the anticipation to have a peak into it. It truly makes you almost giddy. This happened to me again last week when Gincy Heins,, messaged me, to tell me the book I contributed a piece for was going to be released the following day, and that my piece was the opening piece for the book. oh what a surprise, not only had I forgotten about the book being put together, I had no idea what I had written for the book. I have now read what I have contributed, I am really happy with what I had written, and the book is a lovely piece of work, with great collection of inspiring, heartwarming pieces. Gincy did a great job gathering and getting people to contribute. Below is a picture of the book cover, it is available on Amazon. I am truly grateful for the gift I received first by being asked to contribute and secondly with the wonderful surprise of its launch. Here is the cover:

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My latest project has been working on my new vision board, I like them for a few reasons, firstly the are fun to do, they are artistic in themselves, we learn about ourselves as we do them, I have created them over the years, I actually first learnt about them as a tool to help people going through difficulties. It helps them ” find themselves” in a sense, for someone on the outside there is much you can learn about a person in the vision boards. I will post pictures below although it is not complete yet. Its a fun project to do with young and old alike. Ive done them in the past where we have done evening get togethers where we all worked on ours and shared a lot of tears and laughter, and had many very deep meaningful conversations brought out by working them this way. This one I am working on presently is weeks in the making, its a positive outlet for my mind. I am doing all I can as I have been through the pandemic trying to ensure I do things to keep my mental health in check. Which whether we have dementia or not is so important, it should always be important but having been through the last two years of the pandemic and so much uncertainty surrounding us, on top of living alone, it is vital for me. Soon it will be warm enough for my bike to be out, I am looking forward to that as well.

Whever you are I hope this first day of spring allows you time to look forward with hope.

Here is my vision board:

I woke up today feeling as though lately I have been watching the world, watching my life from some other plane, disconnected from it somehow, yet connected. Yes that even sounds way out there to me, but it is exactly how it feels.

I know some wonder why I am not seemingly as active in some forms of advocacy, or at least the perception some have is that, when in fact I am still actively advocating just in different ways, sometimes from the back room instead of being front and centre. However, I have scaled back a tremendous amount, firstly because I spent the better part of 2021, barely being able to get out of bed, secondly, and the piece that is prevalent now is my inability to deal with time in real fashion, for example yesterday at 10 am I got my first reminder of a meeting at 11 am, I was getting ready for the meeting, the next thing it was almost 3 pm, no sense of how it got to be that and the realization that I again have a complete inability to understand or make sense of the how or why’s I have such lapses of time.

This is challenging me in ways I cannot even put into words, on some levels it is why I am only doing a certain amount and in large part working on projects that I can do, complete and be done. Keeping my calendar less full, instead of more, giving myself the grace to let this new piece of my dementia decide where its taking me. I don’t like to feel like I am letting others down, or not doing my part, and this element of my dementia is making me feel that way, and all I can do is hope that when I miss something, when I am not where I should be that people understand it is not intentional that it is something that somehow no matter how many alerts and reminders, I cannot control the process of my brain. So I hope forgiveness and understanding of an illness that can have one looking so wonderful on the outside, and cause one to judge and think one is doing things like missing meetings, appointments, are done purposely and without care. That most certainly is not my intention and most certainly not the intention of others I know who struggle as well.

I wish I could frame it all in an understandable way, but I can’t and as it feels with all things Dementia, I am just learning to adapt to this new change as well, adapting is key to life with Dementia. I am not unhappy in the changes actually I am finding myself in a very peaceful, happy place, content. I am so very grateful to those that have been able to stay in my life, despite, what for some must seem so totally surreal or unreal. I will continue to advocate in ways that I feel I can and as I can, but I also must give time and space for life, my life, whatever that life may look like today. I think it to is important for all advocates to remember, advocating is important it is something I hope many more will pick up the charge to do, but there is also the other side of dementia, there is life, life that is not dementia, there is family, friends, walking, biking, travelling, everyday life, we can abandon life in pursuit of our advocacy. Humour is also one of the most important things I hope we all remember to bring into our days.

We can do great harm, however unintentional it is when we forget to take part in our everyday life as well as our world of advocacy. Truthfully we can expect everyone to be as interested in our advocacy work or our Dementia, thats the reality, no everyone wants to hear about it, not everyone wants to be part of it, if everyone did then we wouldn’t have to advocate anymore.

I admittedly think that for many of us, yes I have been guilty of this getting so wrapped up in our advocacy and the world of it, which brings us so much richness, so many great friendships, such vast knowledge and understanding, the hope and new found purpose, that we can unintentionally leave out those standing closest to us. We forget to take part in life with them, and leave the work of advocacy behind for a while.

Most leave the work they do after 6 or 8 hours each day for but many in the advocacy arena it continues 24/7. Sharing the laughter and joys of normalcy to whatever degree we are able with those we care about is not only important for our overall well being, but for theirs as well, and we must remember that if we want them to stand by us through our journey, and we want them to join us where we are in that journey then we must join them in their journey of life as well.

These are my rambling and jumbled thoughts this morning, I hope we all do better, understanding and forgiving each other not matter what our plight in life is, life is hard, not just for those with Dementia but for all. Praying we all grant each other more grace, forgive our shortcomings ( of which I many), and remember to offer kindness everywhere we can.

This morning I was up early, knowing I, like millions of Canadians will be watching this morning as Ukraine President Zelensky address our Parliament. What Russia is doing with the invasion of Ukraine is beyond comprehension for the most part, no matter how hard we try we cannot fathom what the people of Ukraine are enduring. They are showing us all what resilience is, what being devoted to your, having pride in your country is.

It also does not fall from my mind that Canada borders Russia to our North, and how valuable our north is for all of us here in Canada.

But as I sit and wait for the address to happen, I can’t help but think about all the trauma the people and children of Ukraine have and are being subjected too. We recently discussed at one of our meetings, how trauma and dementia are connected, we discussed a book, “Emotional Inheritance” Author, Galit Atlas, PhD. Today I was thinking a lot about this Emotional Inheritance in relation to all the people of Ukraine. Will the trauma mean in years to come, more instance of Dementia, what can be done to help ensure that whatever can be done to help people with the mental health side of the trauma’s they are having thrust on them. And I wonder and think about how many of us with different types of Dementia can trace perhaps a connecting piece that is based in trauma.

I understand that there is so much more to think about at this time. But understanding how trauma impacts people with Dementia, may be a way to help those in late stages, understanding the traumas they have faced and that sometimes what is considered behaviour issues are actually that something triggered a memory of a traumatic event or time, it requires more understanding, not more medication, learning how to best manage those triggers. So yes there is deeper issues around this attack on Ukraine, but we need to remember even many of our people in care at the moment will be having triggers because of this war. Every care home, needs to ensure that discussion happens in a safe and caring environment, and just because people have dementia that they cannot and should not have this addressed and discussed.

Watch for those things which may indicate, that it is effecting them, mood changes, eating habits different, sleep patterns, and yes behaviour patterns, more pacing, more fidgeting, more anxiety. Shut the TV’s off that are constantly running in the care facility’s, yes I know, I know, the workers want to know and keep an eye on whats going on, set up a room for their breaks, where they can see the latest news, and a quiet room for those who cannot take it in. But do not allow it to flood the rooms and hallways of residents. Set a time to have staff to watch with them have conversations, some will want to some will not, this is a good time to have extra activities for them. Many in care have lived through wars and depressions, they will feel the weight of it, even if they can’t express it. So please please pay attention.

For me the Emotional Inheritance, comes with memories of my mother, grandmother and Uncle, who all lived and endured world war 11, in Germany. Hearing my mother remind us that we should never think that it can’t happen here, because it can, listening to her talk about the fire balls that rolled through the house because of bombs, the hunger, and so much more. So I am very much aware of how rich our country is in natural resources, how Russia is on our doorstep and that we all need to be aware that what happens in Ukraine can and will impact us for a great time, and we should not be so arrogant to think that war can not befall on us as well. We must give extra consideration to our elders, who may be having many emotional feelings over this invasion. So whether they are in a care facility or not, whether they have dementia or not, let’s all be mindful.

We should not be frozen in fear, but we should be aware, we should think about how we can help within our own country. I have watched in the last number of months how fractioned our country has become. It saddens me, we have been and are one of the most free countries in the world, we have so much to be grateful for. I pray we can find our way out of all that is dividing us and we look to the people of Ukraine for inspiration.

I hope as we go about our day, we look for ways to help unite us.

Heading off to bed last night to watch a little tv, I then spend the rest of the evening and late into the night on how to deal with my dilemma on how to deal with springing the clock forward. Back and forth, if I turn the clocks to soon, it will mess up my nightly routines, if I don’t change them until morning, I will spend half the day trying to orientate to the new time. I could not figure out how to navigate it all, it created too much stress, then in the midst of that I looked at an email that was telling me about something about March 24/25, I thought why on earth are they reminding me of stuff thats more than a month away. This morning I realize it is actually March already, more stress, I have a presentation to be ready for on April 12th, I thought I still had lots of time. Ugh time.

More stress trying to figure out if I should put myself through the stress of trying to figure out how to change my clocks, doing those types of chores for lack of being able to find the right word, is so stressful, frustrating, and causes anxiety, each one is different, so doing it in the evening not a good idea my brain does not function as well in evening, but leaving it till morning could mean starting my day adding stress to my brain, but perhaps because thats when my brain is sharpest I will have the best chance of success, and I do try to do things in ways that set me up for success. So no workable solution, so hours spent and in the end I did nothing but be stressed and angry that no one seems to give any thought to the unnecessary stress and strive that is placed on people with something that seems so unimportant. These are the seemingly small things that for someone with dementia or other cognitive issues face.

So this morning after a very long night, it is now 11:20 am, even though its actually only 10:20, I have a headache, likely from the stress of trying to navigate this time change. I have cleaned out all my dresser drawers, got a bag of things ready to take to the homeless shelter. I give them anything I feel I have too much of, even though too some I don’t have much anymore, I have enough, and to keep extra’s when others are in such need seems senseless at this stage, and giving feels good. “Less is more” has become very much an important piece of life for me, I don’t want to have clutter, I don’t like to have to much stuff around, it seems to clutter my mind somehow.

Also in the wee hours of the morning, with all my struggles to sleep last night, my brain somehow took me back to my last number of years working, I can’t put a number on it exactly, but last night it somehow came through that signs of what was coming, ( strokes, TIA’s then the Vascular Dementia Diagnosis), that there were very clear signs for a long time, but of course know one could have understood and I most certainly didn’t, for example as the years evolved, I started to have to spend my lunch and coffee breaks alone, in a quiet corner somewhere, I think it might have appeared I was anti social, or a snob or who knows what else, I always likened it to the fact that I needed the quiet to recharge, because I gave so much of myself to the people we were charged to care for.

Looking back I can see it was a clear sign of my dementia, that I still require a lot of quiet time, loud places and spaces are very difficult for me. My sometimes miss reading and miss understanding what others were saying or doing also a sign of the yet unknown monster of dementia that was looming. Not all things of course fall into that, there were many things and times that I was functioning well and fully understood, the problem is you don’t always and aren’t always clear enough to know when it has changed, and it can change daily.

Making some bad decisions, bad judgements that I may have not otherwise made, had the diagnosis already been made. They are what they are, if any of those judgements or misunderstandings hurt anyone, they were never meant to. Unfortunately, if you don’t and aren’t aware of whats really going on, and you can’t see it because of what your brain is doing, it makes it very difficult, because people around you can’t not take things personally, where if they understood, its your brain, you say things, you do things, in ways you don’t even now you are doing or saying, then if they had a good understanding that its an illness doing it, perhaps they would have an easier understanding and not take things personally.

Maybe thats why forgiveness is a big thing for me, offering people a little grace, because perhaps we don’t and can’t fully understand whats happening for them, because they may not actually either. Ahh Dementia, it is a strange beast, I truly have a love hate relationship with it.

I am in a jumbled state of mind today, thoughts coming and going, tired, its time to take myself for a walk and give my brain some fresh air and listen to the sounds of nature. I hope if you live somewhere that you have to navigate this time change that you give yourself a little grace and also all those around you.

I have for a long time had issues with trying to get to an appointment and or meetings etc on time.

Something that pre- dementia I never did, I was always ready early arriving early, very exacting with my time and timing.

Over time since my diagnosis, that has given way to even with reminders they are not always enough. Dates, Days, times all get mixed up, reminders are forgotten sometimes as fast as they pop up.

But for a number of months now things have changed again, and I try to understand it, I try to make sense of it. Some times when I try to explain it to someone it feels as though I don’t make sense to myself so how can I possibly expect any one else to understand what I am talking about.

Yes, people will say yes time does seem to be going fast, or no time seems to be dragging on, but it’s not that it’s either for me, it just is. I wake up, get up, then the day is over, It might be 5 in the morning and then its three, 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I can’t understand how thats possible, I have yet to eat anything, sometimes I have yet to have a shower, because I think I have lots of time. When I look at the clock and see the time, I then look at my calendar, as if it may somehow help fill in the blank, it does in the sense that it shows me what I have done, but it all feels like a big void.

A vastness of nothing, I can’t seem to describe, it doesn’t make me unhappy that, thats whats happening, it doesn’t scare me or frighten me. I feel like I try to stare in this vastness of nothing and try to understand it, understand how one can get from there to there without something to frame it all in, but there is nothing. It’s not lost time, because evidently I am still here, I am still very much alive, but I have lost all connection to time, or to what we are supposed to know as time and time perception.

So I did some research and below is a couple of good papers, there are too many to list. I had no idea that there was such a connection to time perception and dementia and other illnesses. I also had no idea there was so many studies about it. Another fascinating aspect of our brain and all it gives and takes. It’s not one of the things we discuss a lot for some reason, maybe because like me we don’t even now how to begin to talk about it in a way that makes sense. And even as I write this I wonder if it will make sense to anyone.

It is another part of that living in the moment that is often talked about in relation to people who live with Dementia. It puts into a real literal sense.

I wonder if it was happening for longer than I realize put that its only since so many of my other health issues have quieted that I have actually been able to be aware of it. I am not sure, these days I am not sure about a lot of things. All that has happened to my system since January has made understanding any of it near impossible. So just being happy in it is about the best I can do. I am enjoying learning more about myself, my dementia, what it can be on any given day. That in itself sounds very strange that one could actually enjoy learning about something that is considered such a devastating diagnosis. I am fascinated by my own brain, how strange is that.

So time for me only matters in the sense that people set days and times for meetings and things and I somehow manage to attend most, with many reminders, there is little else where it actually matters. So I go from Monday to Monday knowing that whatever happened in the vastness of in between, I can only hope that I have been kind, and found joy in all that vastness.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8616021/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4830363/

Yesterday was a lovely Monday, and you wonder how can that be possible with all the strive in the world right now. No, I don’t live in a false sense of reality, the complete opposite actually, I stay informed, then I get on with my day, staying grounded, leaving room and time each day to find joy, to listen to the sounds of nature, breathe, just breathe, and every day I dance. After getting the current information on what is happening, I put my music on and I dance, and I dance the day away, while I am doing things around the house. Its good exercise, it sends feel good endorphins through my body. I attended two meetings which were both great and up-lifting.

I had the most lovely visit with my doctor. Yes it was what one would classify as a Doctors Appointment, but I call it a visit, because it felt more like a visit, we had a lovely chat, he told me that one of his patients had told him they were at a presentation I recently did in Lake Country and how wonderful they thought it was and how helpful it was for them. Knowing that trying to make a difference and hearing that you actually are is sometimes all the inspiration you need to get through the rough patches.

We caught up on his family and life, and mine and then talked about my health, as I have had the few attacks of pain, I being afraid that all the good I have seen since my Moderna shot was maybe or had peaked and I was starting to see a return of the many issues and complications prior to , it was a frightening thought, but I have not had any more fatigue, the inflammation has not returned, my blood work is worth celebrating it is so good, still no brain fog, we laughed at that, dementia is still and will always be bubbling away, but for the moment I am having less challenges that in recent years, although so new challenges emerge. Its on going, it will always be ongoing, but I feel strong, I feel vibrant, I feel energized, like I have not in many many years, if ever. So whatever the Moderna Vaccine found in my immune system and changed, it is a gift beyond measure. The attacks of pain I have had over the last week or so we discovered during my visit with the Doctor, is muscle issues, and while talking to him, and him wanting me to start a daily magnesium regime, I remembered that I always took it, but somehow, when I had all this drastic changes, and was feeling so good, I had stopped so I in essence had created this situation to happen. So back on the Magnesium combined with Calcium. Because my appetite has decreased so much, I may not be getting enough Calcium so hopefully that will resolve the issue.

This morning I woke at 5 am, up watching daylight come, morning coffee, showered, and ready for the day by 7 a.m., getting ready for a 9 a.m. meeting, I am excited about it, its a project I am working on, more will come about that in time. My volunteer/and friend will arrive shortly, its wonderful how these new found friendships happen, I appreciate all her help and mostly enjoy the visits so much. So a busy morning, then I will go for a bike ride if it is warm enough, just a short little first ride of the season. I am so glad I am feeling well enough to do that.

It is International Women’s Day, I look to the women of Ukraine who are taking up arms, who are staying and fighting and helping their people in ways that most of us cannot imagine. Being separated from their children, husbands they are the women I want to celebrate today. They are the reason I must remember to be grateful, for I am in this moment, safe, warm place, why they fight fights we all hope never to have too. Women around the world have time and time again, shown their resolve, their strength, their resiliency. I am fortunate to have incredible women in my life, who have taught me, inspired me, and today I still have many women who are inspirational, and role models. I have worked alongs side many of them, I still work along side of so many of them. Most of us don’t have to look far to find women we admire. So to all the women out there take a moment to acknowledge your value, your importance, you matter, each and every day, not just on International Women’s Day, but each and every day. Treat yourself today and lets all think about all those women in Ukraine and other countries like Afghanistan and many other countries around the world, lets celebrate them for their bravery, for their determination lets keep them all in our thoughts and prayers but remember to celebrate you and all those women close to you today as you go through the day.

Happy Women’s Day to all the Women of the World.

I was sitting today thinking about our brains, how what we feed, it feeds us, that is both literally and figuratively, our brains need healthy fats and lots of them to function properly, it needs rest, exercise, both physical and mental. It is the hub, the mainframe of the control centre of all housed within our bodies. If we feed it negative thoughts we start living that, if we feed it positive energy and thoughts thats what we live. This is true regardless of, or if we have cognitive issues or not.

Living with Dementia does not mean that what I give my brain doesn’t matter. It just means that I must be doubly mindful of what my brain requires to operate at its best ability despite it being hurt. Thats how I choose to view my brain, like any other part of my body, that has injuries, if my kidney’s don’t function I take good care of them, if I break my leg I take care of getting it looked after and to heal. My brain not ever be able to heal, it may get worse which is expected with Dementia’s, but it is hurt, yet still it is my greatest asset.

I was thinking a lot about this after attending a couple of meetings this week, of course the talk was about Putin’s Invasion on Ukraine, we all live in different parts of the country and world. It really stood out how it didn’t matter where any of us were from, we were all being effected. Normally at these meetings we don’t discuss politics or religion, this however, is exceptional circumstance. This I believe is not political, in the sense we often think about, republican versus democrats, Liberals vs. Conservatives this is about something much bigger. Every one shared their concerns and fears, it is an emotional time for everyone. Everyone is effected to varying degrees, but everyone is effected.

I brought up my thoughts on how our brains can be our greatest defence during stressful times, or our greatest weakness. How teaching ourselves how much to feed our brains and how often, how keeping ourselves grounded was important. We talked about how important it is to talk and share ones feelings, keeping them bottled up can create internal stress, and managing stress is so important for everyone, and know one nows that better than those living with any type of Dementia or other Cognitive challenges. Truthfully, anyone one with any type of illness needs to pay extra close attention to keep there stress levels in check as much as possible during times like these and those who do not have any health challenges its important to them as well so they stave off illness, because stress loves sneak in to create and take advantage when our defence systems are down, our weakened and stress weakness our systems.

Some people feel it is a weakness to cry, to show or be emotional but in fact it is one way our brain helps us to process and move thorough and beyond things instead of having it sit inside of us, where it causes havoc on our health. So these groups and meetings are in some ways seemingly more important than even they were during the pandemic, it allows people to discuss, to share, to be emotional in a safe place and with peers that offer support to and for each other. That is the same support and grace we should be offering to all we come in contact with, we should do this always, not just during times of great uncertainty, but everyday, but never has it been more important than now. Love, Caring and Sharing, kindness and Gratitude, may we not take each other for granted.